Life's Calling
by xogs
Summary: Both the Blight and the post-Blight threats have been defeated. Ethelfleda Cousland settles into life as Arlessa and Commander of the Grey. A motley cast, a lost lover, and an embarrassing name. These are the new challenges facing Eth Cousland.
1. Awakening

Life never turns out how you think it will. After the deaths of my parents I often thought about what my future should have been. There had been offers for arranged marriages made to my parents. I was always grateful that they never pushed me into anything. Now, there isn't anything I wouldn't give to have Father ruffle my hair and call me Pup, or Mother nag me over my appearance.

You can drown in "should have beens". The past is what it is. There is no going back, no changing it. My father told me to make my mark on the world. I hoped he would be proud of me. I could neither go back and fix past mistakes, nor rely on the glory from the things I did right.

How will history remember the fifth Blight? Will Loghain's betrayal make it into the history books? Or the near annihilation of the Cousland family? I wanted those who will come after me to know. Sophia Dryden's story was lost. I wouldn't let mine be.

I knew now that I had led a charmed childhood. I was the doted upon daughter of one of two Teyrns in Ferelden. Indulged, I had been left to roam free. I never knew how lucky I was until that charmed life was stripped away. But I would survive.

The Howe family lands and titles were stripped after the end of the Blight. All of those titles and all of that land that Rendon Howe stole were given away. The Wardens were awarded Amaranthine, with it's mighty fortress, Vigil's Keep.

New stages in life often come with complications. As I arrived at the Keep, I found it under attack by darkspawn. As the Grey Warden Commander in Ferelden, it was my responsibility to not only deal with the darkspawn, but to rebuild the order at the same time. It made me keenly aware that my old companions had scattered to the wind. I missed them.

Especially Alistair. He had ended our relationship when he agreed to take the crown. I had been so angry at him. Hurt and humiliated, I didn't care if I ever saw him again. That wasn't true, though. He had been by my side for a year, defeating the Blight and Loghain.

When I was honest with myself, in those dark nights when I couldn't sleep, I could admit that I still loved him. After our relationship ended, I leapt into Zevran's arms. He was wonderful in his own right, but he was no Alistair.

Still, I felt unspeakably lonely. My Blight companions had scattered to the winds. I only knew where a few of them were. Oghren, of course, was still here. Ran off, leaving a wife and baby, to join the Wardens. I hadn't been especially close with him. If nothing else, he was a familiar face.

My new Wardens surrounded me. We were sitting on the floor of the throne room amid maps and scouting reports. Tracking the Mother to her lair was the last thing we needed to do. Maker's breath, I hated the darkspawn. Their resurgence ruined my life. Howe and Loghain wouldn't have had the opportunity for betrayal. Of course, I never would have met Alistair. Would I trade a year of the most wonderful love affair for the bliss of ignorance? That would mean that I wouldn't be here now, Warden Commander, lonely and miserable.

Oghren interrupted my thoughts, stabbing a map with a thick, grubby finger. "That's, what, a two day march?"

Before I could reply, Anders chimed in. "It could be a day and a half march, if you don't pass out in a ditch somewhere."

Growling, Oghren replied, "Who asked you, sparkle fingers. I just wanted to know how much ale to bring with me. Heh."

I looked up at the dragon skull that hung over the throne. Maker help me, with Wardens like this, I would go mad long before my Calling. I wondered how Duncan felt, especially since one of his Wardens was Alistair. Alistair...

I became aware that someone had spoken my name. I looked back down and they were all looking at me, expectantly. To cover my embarrassment, I snapped at them. "Well? What?"

Velanna snorted. "We were just wondering who you're going to take with you. That is, if you are done contemplating that disgusting thing hanging up there."

I sighed and rubbed the tight spot between my eyes. "Oghren, Anders, and Nathaniel. They are the least injured. That is, if you approve, Mistress Velanna." I glared at her and she glared back. "If that's all for the inane questions, dismissed."

They began to disburse. I should have known that Velanna would have a parting shot. "If you wish to trust the would be thief and assassin..."

Maker's breath. "Nathaniel, we need to talk. See me before you turn in." With that, I rose and stomped out of the throne room.

As I headed to my rooms, I berated myself. Why in all of Thedas did this burden have to fall on me? And why did I accept it? Blast it all, was this the legacy of my parents? If so, I would accept it gladly. They were good people. I would try to honor their memory.

I sat in my study, going through correspondence and requisition orders. I liked the room, formally a salon adjoining my new bedroom. The fire burned brightly and the light of the lamps danced. I wondered why I felt so cold.

I had left the door open. Nathaniel crossed the thresh hold and paused. "Commander Eth?"

"Yes, come in. As I said earlier, we need to talk." I gestured to a chair opposite the desk and he sat. "I guess this is a chat we've needed to have. I need to know your loyalties. I know you've said you no longer intend to kill me, but you don't need to kill me to do me great harm."

"I understand. You said I wouldn't be the first friend to want you dead. Who was that?", he asked in his quiet voice.

"Your father procured an Antivan Crow, who Loghain then hired to kill me. He failed. Badly." He was happy to have failed. Oddly, he turned out to be the most loyal person I had ever met. Another person on my list of people I missed.

"Are you saying that I might smile to your face and hire an assassin behind your back?"

"No, of course not. I don't know what I need to know. Just... something." I propped my elbows on the desk and rested my chin on my hands. "We've known each other a long time, Nathaniel. But do we really know who the other person is?"

"You have a good point. I haven't seen you in eight years, almost nine. Before I left for the Free Marshes, yes? You were twelve and gangly. All knees and elbows."

Twelve. Yes, it was that long. My father had let me learn to shoot a bow a few years before and was finally letting me train with a dagger. My heart constricted in my chest. Father. "I don't want to talk about that," I snapped, sitting back in my chair. Maker, this was so hard. "Do you have my back?"

He looked at me for what felt like forever, his gray eyes unreadable. "Yes," he said finally. "Always." He leaned forward, putting his hands on the desk. "For what it's worth, I am truly sorry about your family."

"Thank you, Nathaniel. Until tomorrow?"

He rose and bowed. "Until tomorrow, my lady."

I left one lamp burning in the study. Changing into a nightgown, I crawled into bed. The bed felt too big. In an attempt to not dwell on Alistair, I thought of Zevran. I wondered how he was finding Antiva and what business he had there. I hoped it would be concluded soon. I was tired of sleeping alone and bloody weary of missing people. I fell asleep wondering if there was a fatal limit to crying oneself to sleep.


	2. Comrades

I looked around the throne room. I liked this room. The way the sunlight filtered through the skylights during the day. The way the room glowed in the light of the fire at night. I looked around the room. Personally, I think this is a nicer throne room than the one in the palace at Denerim. Maker damn it. That room has one thing this lacked. A large man with strawberry blond hair and golden armor. Damn it all to the Fade.

"Commander?" I looked at Mistress Woolsey. Maker's breath, I was turning into the village idiot. Mooning over some man like a teenager.

"Sorry, Woolsey. In answer to your question, yes, set up accounts with the merchants in Amaranthine. If any Warden or soldier needs anything, I want them to be able to buy it. If that will be all?"

"Very good Commander. I will see to it." Terse as always, she took her accounting books and left. I turned to Oghren, who was tapping on my arm.

"Yes, what do you want?" The dwarf's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Was that really my voice, harsh as a fishwife's? I didn't want to know.

"Uh, Warden... Commander. I thanked you before for helping this drunken disgrace of a warrior. And, well, thanks for helping me with Felsi... again." I think this was the longest speech I'd heard out of him that didn't have to do with ale.

I tried to use a pleasant tone. "Of course, Oghren. Comrades at arms, right?"

"Heh. We're a pair, me moping over Felsi, you moping over..."

"No. Stop right there. We leave tomorrow and I need to prepare." I spun on my heel and made a hasty retreat, but not before I saw the looks on everyone's faces.

There was a soft rap on my door. Nathaniel's head peeked in the door. "Commander Eth? Do you have a moment?" I nodded and he entered my private study. I put my papers down and gestured to the other side of the couch.

"So I was speaking with Oghren..."

"Maker's breath, Nathaniel! Please don't tell me you accepted a drinking challenge from him. It doesn't matter what's to be drunk, you'll never..." He laughed at my alarm.

"No, nothing like that. I asked him if he was there when my father was killed." I tucked my feet under me and turned to face him. He continued in his soft voice. "Oghren wouldn't tell me, said he wasn't the person to ask. I think you are the one who can answer my question."

I propped my arm on the back of the couch. "Ah, yes. What exactly do you want to know?"

"My sister told me that my father was evil, deserved to die. I understand this was more than being on the wrong side of a civil war. I just want to know if he suffered."

"No, Nathaniel, he didn't." I hoped he wouldn't press for details, but that wasn't his way. Except for wanting to kill me without knowing all of the facts, he didn't flinch from unpleasantness.

He sighed and looked away. "Will you tell me how..." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "How it happened?"

"I will, but do you really want to know? I mean, really and truly know all of the ugly details?" He put his hand on mine and gave me a small smile.

"I trust you. Now that I know you, I've seen that you are a good person. Yes, I want to know."

"Alright. Stop me if it becomes too much to hear, ok?" He nodded and I continued. "While preparing for the battle at Ostagar, your father was staying with us. Supposedly, he was waiting for his troops. His troops and ours would join forces and they'd all march south to Ostagar. The Amaranthine troops kept being delayed, so our fathers decided to send Fergus with Highever's troops on ahead. They'd meet him at Ostagar with the Amaranthine troops. Duncan, head of the Gray Wardens was there to look for recruits."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. These were painful memories to relive. It didn't help that the pressure of his hand on mine was distracting. He maintained eye contact almost belligerently. I continued the story.

"Fergus left right after dinner. I retired early, as my mother was leaving first thing in the morning to spend some time with friends. In the middle of the night, my mabari started barking. My... my friend opened the door to see what was going on, and he was shot in the heart with an arrow." I looked away, feeling the prick of tears behind my eyelids. Poor Diarren. He never stood a chance.

He squeezed my hand. "I'm so sorry." I tried to extricate my hand, but he held tight.

"Anyway, my mother and I fought off the invaders. They were wearing the official shield of Amaranthine. Everyone was dead, even my tutor and the castle's revered mother. We found my father in the larder near a tunnel used by servants. He had been stabbed and was bleeding to death."

The tears began to flow in earnest. There isn't anything I wouldn't give to have one more day with them. I yanked my hand free and stood up. I paced the room and continued.

"Duncan, the leader of the Wardens at the time, he dragged me out of there kicking and screaming. My mother stayed, electing to die at my father's side."

I looked out of the window. It was dark and I couldn't see anything beyond the random torch light. I said over my shoulder, "That is how I became a Warden."

"And what of my father?"

"He was holding Anora prisoner at Loghain's instruction. I was trying to rescue her. I found him in the dungeon of his Denerim estate." I turned around and leaned on the window sill. "Along with a handful of torture victims, including an Orlesian Warden and some nobles."

"You don't have to continue. This is upsetting to you."

I closed my eyes. "Yes, it is, but if I don't tell you now, I'm not sure I'll be able to another time." I wiped the tears away with my hand. "At any rate, I found your father and confronted him. He told me how he made my mother kiss his feet, before slitting her throat in front of my father. Then he killed my father. All of the bodies, including my sister in law and ten year old nephew, were piled in a heap and burned." I took a long shaky breath. "He told me that he deserved better. I don't know if he suffered or not. Only that I didn't make him suffer. Maker knows, I was tempted."

I shrugged. "That's it." His gray eyes were unreadable. I rubbed my hands together, trying to still their shaking. He stood and crossed the room in a few quick strides. Taking my hands in his, he kissed my palms, sending a shudder up my spine.

"I am so sorry, Commander," he said softly. "So sorry, for everything." He turned and left the room. I felt cold, alone, and completely confused.

We left the Keep to cheers. Tracking down and killing the Mother was the final task to ending this new darkspawn threat. With Anders, Oghren, and Nathaniel at my back, I felt confident and hopeful. We could do this and maybe I could move on with my life.


	3. Mommy Dearest

"Maker's breath! I thought normal broodmothers were foul. I don't even have words for how disgusting that was." I looked at my companions. We were all contaminated with the yuck from the Mother. At least she was dead, as well as the Architect. I shuddered. I thought the Blight was bad. Nothing like small doses of horror to keep the day interesting.

The men squelched behind me. Anders complained, "Ug! I think I smell even worse than the dwarf!"

"Who me? Watch who you insult, sparkle fingers."

"Oh, I would never insult you. I would merely point out that such an aroma must have a hard time coming from only one individual."

"That so? Well, uh. Yeah." Oghren scratched himself and looked around. "No offense, mage, but I think that I'll just save it."

Nathaniel nudged me with his elbow, nodding toward Oghren and Anders. "Traveling with them is like having our own personal comedy troupe, is it not?"

"They certainly keep each other entertained." I laughed. "At least their arguing is good natured. During the Blight, half of my companions hated each other. No, that's not true. One of them hated enough for the entire group." I thought of Morrigan. I wondered where she was, if Alistair's baby had been born. Ill thoughts. Even though he had ended our relationship after he took up the crown, I still loved him. I hated Morrigan for being able to do what I never could, have Alistair's baby.

"What do you think? If we make a late camp and an early start tomorrow, we should reach the Keep by early afternoon." He adjusted his pack and sniffed. "If we're lucky, there will be a stream where we can wash up."

I wrinkled my nose. "I think that we'll have to burn our stuff to get the stink out. But you're right. I'd like to get back as soon as we can."

We made camp in a hollow off the side of the road. It was surrounded by trees, giving us good cover. I left the men to start a fire. Wrapping myself in my bedroll, I tried to get some sleep.

I took the watch from Oghren. I would wake them at dawn and we would head home. I poked the fire with a stick, watching the sparks fly. It was a clear night, no moon. The stars were vivid against the black velvet of the night sky. A perfect night for introspection. The problem was, I was in no mood for self-examination.

I heard a rustle behind me and my hands automatically went to my sword hilts. As I began to rise to a crouch, Nathaniel sat up. "It's just me, Commander," he said softly. "Care if I join you by the fire?"

I sat back. "No, of course not. I could use the company." Saved by the brooding rogue from morbid and depressing thoughts.

Nathaniel was the first to break the silence. "Do you remember my brother Thomas?"

I looked at him. "What brought this on? Yes, I remember him. He's a few years younger than me, if I recall correctly."

"He used to write to me. He was madly in love with you, you know."

I shook my head sadly. "No, I didn't know that. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I used to read his letters and wonder what on earth he saw in Eth Cousland. The last time I saw you, at one of your mother's infamous salons, you were twelve. All arms and legs." He laughed wryly. "Now I understand."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Oh really?"

He shrugged noncommittally. I hugged my knees to my chest. In the pre-dawn gloom, I could feel him watching me, even though I couldn't make out his eyes. He shifted nearer to me, his head back lit by the fire. "Do you still love him?" he suddenly asked.

I was startled. "Him who?"

"The him you've been pining for since I met you." Faceless and so close, he unnerved me. I scooted back.

"Him who is none of your business, Nathaniel. Look. The sky is lightening. Time to go." The streaks of light struggled across the muddy sky, gray and chilly. The light didn't quite reach into the hollow we were camping in. We could, and should break camp and head home.

He inclined his head in acknowledgment. His hand reached out and stroked my cheek. "My lady." Standing, he stretched and went to pack up his things. I shook my head, trying to clear it. Definitely confusing.

I moped my way back to the Keep. Oghren and Anders bickered, while Nathaniel remained silent and thoughtful. Pining indeed. Mooning over a man like a teenager. I snorted. Hero of Ferelden indeed. I just missed Alistair. It would pass. I could convince myself I believed that.

So wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn't notice when we passed into the Keep's courtyard. A shriek broke me out of my reverie. I looked up, confused.

"Oh, Commander! How could you!" Ah, it was Wade. "Look at this, MY drake scale armor, my finest work! What have you done to it?" His calloused fingers plucked at my armor. I could see Herren by the forge, hands flailing. I snickered.

"Wade, it's _armor_. It's not going to sit on a stand in my room. I know it's a little gross, but..." He cut me off.

"Gross? No, it's a travesty. My one shining moment in a life of drudgery. Take it off! Take it off now!" His hand grabbed for the buckles.

I couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. A man with zero interest in my gender was trying to undress me, in public no less. Herren rushed over, trying to slap Wade's hands away. It was too much, I sat down, hard, and laughed into my hands until tears were streaming down my face. "Fine, Wade, if it will make you feel better, you can have it back." I began to unbuckle and unzip.

Herren wrung his hands. "Commander, I am SO sorry. Wade, apologize! You can't take her armor, she does need it. And we need the money we are paid for being here."

Wade ignored him, snatching pieces of armor out of my hands. Oghren and Anders kept elbowing each other as I became more exposed. Nathaniel just stared, a sardonic smile on his face. Stripped down to my smallclothes, I turned to Wade. "Is this sufficient? Or do you want my smallclothes, too?"

"No, no. This will do." He shrieked again. "Maker, is this a tear? The most magnificent thing I've created and there is a tear!"

Standing there, mostly naked, with an armload of other gear, I shook my head. I was beginning to loose patience. It was _my_ armor after all. "Wade, I have a gash in my side that matches the tear. Can you repair it? Or just stand there and yell at me?" I could see Varel behind Oghren trying not to laugh. I wanted nothing more than to order a bath.

Herren pulled Wade back by the shoulders. "Of course he'll repair it Commander." Out of the side of his mouth he hissed at Wade, "Tell the Commander that you'll repair it and for Andraste's sake, be nice!"

Wade didn't even look up. "Oh, of course." He walked off, muttering to himself. Wade sighed and followed.

"Varel!" He looked at me, keeping his eyes steadfastly on my face. "Send someone ahead to get me a bath. Food, definitely that, too. Oh, really, Varel, don't look so shocked."

"Of course, Commander." His face was beet red. He grabbed the nearest snickering soldier and sent them off to see about my orders. "Before you go in..."

"Whatever it is can wait. I'm filthy and I smell worse than a darkspawn. We'll meet when I'm clean and fed." He kept trying to interject, but I was single minded. Determined, I pushed open the door to the throne room, only to find myself facing a throng of Amaranthine's nobility.


	4. Fling

I blinked. The crowd blinked. It was like a bad dream, being undressed in public. Varel made a small sound in his throat and propelled me through. "The Commander has ended the darkspawn threat and now must rest. Clear out!" I snorted. I could only imagine what they were thinking.

We exited through a side door behind the throne. Varel slammed the door and shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I did try to warn you."

"That you did," I mused. "Huh. Never dull. Well, I'm hungry and gross, so I guess we'll talk after I bathe and eat." I patted his arm. "Sorry about the whole naked thing. You probably didn't anticipate rampant nudity when you signed up." I grinned at him.

"Yours I could handle. Oghren, however..." He shuddered.

I laughed. I loved that drunken dwarf. He plowed through life as his own person and made no apologies. "You'll get used to it. Or go blind." I shrugged. "Either one. Oh, and would you send a messenger to Denerim? The king would probably appreciate an update."

I padded barefoot into my room. A trio of giggling maids were finishing filling the tub. I dumped my gear into a corner and shooed them out. As I was about to remove my smallclothes, someone rapped on the door.

"It's unlocked," I called, sighing. I wanted a bath and food and possibly a nap. The door opened and Varel poked his head in. "What is it now?"

"I'm sorry, Commander. I figured that you'd probably be indisposed until tomorrow. A letter arrived for you. I thought you'd want it immediately."

I was curious. "Why the urgency?"

He gave me a level stare. "It's from Antiva."

I read it while soaking. The fight with the Mother left me bruised with a gash on my right hip. The hot water felt good. The letter, however, was not. It was the first time I'd heard from Zevran in over six months. There were some loose ends he wanted to tie up in Antiva.

_Greetings from Antiva!_

_I would prefer to be where you are, my sweet. Antiva is so dull without you to brighten it. Even with the Crows trying to hunt me down, this place lacks the excitement of being at your side. Ah, well. I expect the Guildmaster will agree to meet me soon. Or maybe I should kill him. What do you think?_

_I hear the darkspawn have still not gone away? They are like houseguests who overstay their welcome, no? I am saddened you have to deal with such business without me. I must deal with the Crows, but when I return to you, not even sharp razors will be able to separate us!_

_Until then, you remain in my dreams. Especially the naughty ones._

His handwriting was exactly what I thought it would be. Bold and flowing. Kind of like him, come to think of it. The parchment even smelled faintly like him; musk, leather, and danger. I frowned. It seemed that he wouldn't be returning soon. I wasn't sure what he was doing there in the first place. Some complications had come up, delaying him. Complication. That was the theme of my life.

When Alistair ended our relationship after the Landsmeet, I threw myself at Zevran. He was uncomplicated. Being desired, at least physically, was soothing to my bruised ego. He never asked more of me than I was willing to give. He gave me an earring as a thinly veiled token of affection. That earring, which I still wore, symbolized our relationship. Affection that was probably love hidden by lust.

It didn't help that I wasn't over Alistair. A year after his coronation and I still pined. An overly sentimental fool, that's what I was. Ah, well. Done was done. I didn't hate Alistair. I knew why he did what he did. Poor man. I guess I wasn't the only one who's life didn't go as anticipated.

I awoke the next morning. The letter was still on a side table where I had left it. I missed Zev. His indomitable optimism. His cheerful raunchiness. Part of the letter was unspeakably filthy. It made me blush to think of it.

I threw on a dress and exited my room. I don't know where I intended on going. I wandered down various corridors, barefoot. I ended up in front of Nathaniel's room. I shrugged and knocked.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. He gestured broadly with his arms, indicating that I could come in. "My Lady. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

I didn't know what to say. I looked around the room. It was small and cluttered. There was a stack of Howe family portraits in the corner. A small dresser held an ewer and wash basin. Behind the door was a modest table that held arrows in the process of being fletched. There was only one chair, so I sat on the bed. He turned his chair around and straddling it, sat.

"It's awfully small." I waved my hand around. "Do you want larger quarters?" My mouth felt dry, though I didn't know why.

"Surely my lady didn't come here for that." I shrugged. "It's fine. As a would be thief and murderer, I suppose I couldn't ask for better."

"Oh." I felt silly.

He nudged the door shut with his foot and leaned closer. "Why are you here?"

"I don't know," I said helplessly. He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered on my jaw. I started to say again, "I don't..." but he gently pulled my face forward. Our lips met in a gentle kiss. I didn't know what I had expected, but it felt wonderful. He leaned back, looking at me. He stood, tucking the chair under the table. Kneeling upright in front of me, he took my face in his hands and kissed me again. It was placid and built a slow fire in my belly.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, our tongues dancing slow and languorous. I thought about Zevran, gone these six months. I thought about Alistair, estranged from me. I thought about this man kissing me. I had known him my whole life. Not well, but he was the son of my father's dearest friend. Friend, and worst enemy. Complicated indeed.

The kiss was speeding up. Maker, it was pleasant. I felt his hand sliding up my dress, caressing my thighs. He put his lips to my ear and whispered, "Does this please you?" I shuddered in response as his fingers slipped into my smallclothes. I unlaced his breeches and slipped my hand in. It was his turn to shudder.

In an instant, my dress was bunched around my waist and his breeches were down around his knees. I lay back on the bed and almost hit my head on the wall. I grabbed his shirt in my fists and pulled him on top of me. Smallclothes were pushed aside. It was quick and dirty and I reveled in every minute of it.

We lay there, panting and sweating. "Well, my Lady. That was unexpected." We chuckled. "Maybe next time we'll do it properly."

"Oh? Proper or not, I enjoyed it." We would have laid there longer, but I could hear a commotion in the hall. He stood, giving me a wry smile and helped me to stand. We straightened ourselves up as best we could and left his room.

In the hallway, Valenna was yelling at Oghren and Sigrun. Oghren seemed pleased with himself, while Sigrun seemed embarrassed. Valenna was furious.

"Maker's breath! What on Thedas is going on? Nathaniel, go get Varel."

Valenna puffed up. "It is intolerable! I refuse to go on like this!"

"What's intolerable? What happened?" Nathaniel returned with Varel. Both men folded their arms and looked impassive. Some help they were.

Valenna was actually shaking now. "That... that dwarven creature," she said, pointing an accusing finger at Oghren. "And the Dead woman," pointing at Sigrun, "are keeping me up at night. All night! I swear, if I hear 'Here comes Oghren' one more time..."

Oh, Maker, this was too much. Nathaniel and Varel burst out laughing. I could feel my mouth twitching. "Valenna, if we move your room would that make you happy?"

"It would take more than that to make me happy, but it will do. I shall go pack my things." She spun on her heel and stalked off.

Shaking my head I turned to Varel and Nathaniel. "Some help you two are! Really! Varel, there are two rooms at the end of the hall that are empty, yes?" He nodded, trying to control his laughter. "Good. Put her in the end one and make the other one storage." I turned to Oghren and Sigrun. "You two. I don't care what you do, just please, for Andraste's sake, don't cause problems. Ok?"

They nodded and left. I looked at the men and cracked, laughing until there were tears streaming down my face. "How on earth did I end up in charge of such a motley group?"


	5. All Hail the King

A week later I decided to check with Wade. I hoped my armor was ready. I was glad that I could wear other clothing, but I wanted my armor, just in case.

The throne room was half lit. From the shadows I saw movement. "Psst, Commander!" It was Oghren. "Come here! Before they get you!"

"Before who gets me?" I just wanted to get my armor, not deal with Oghren's drunken rantings.

"The snipes," he hissed. He grabbed my hand and pulling me down next to him. He peered around the beer barrel. "First, they look like ordinary balls of dust. When enough of them get together, BAM! They attack!"

I patted his arm, rising from the crouch. "Oghren, remember when we fought the Blight? Yes? Remember the monsters we fought? Wolves, darkspawn, sylvan, and so on? You've pretty much encountered all of the monsters on the surface. Alright?"

He growled and ran off, muttering something about punching someone. I laughed and watched him go. What nonsense. I heard a commotion in the courtyard. Shaking my head, I exited the Keep.

A sizable crowd was congregated in the small courtyard. Mostly liveried guards and a handful of templars. Oh, Maker. Alistair.

"Ah, here is our Commander," Varel said grandly. He took my arm and presented me to the cause of the commotion, Alistair and his entourage. My scalp felt too tight and my palms itched. I did the only thing I could think of: fall back on my Mother's training.

I knelt deeply. "Alistair Theirin," I said.

His eyebrows quirked. "Ethelfleda Cousland."

I shot up. "Very funny. Here to check up on me? The messenger couldn't have reached you so fast for you to be here already."

"Yes. I'm checking up on the 'Hero of Ferelden'", he said, sarcastically. "I did meet your messenger. Slow fellow by the name of Horace, yes? He's in the back with my guards, possibly drooling a bit." He smiled and seemed so proud of himself. Varel beamed and bobbed around like a mother hen.

"Your Majesty remembers my seneschal, Varel?" They shook hands. "Varel, could you show the king to the guest chambers? And I'd like to have a small dinner with the king and the new Wardens." Varel nodded and showed the king inside.

Wade had completed my armor. It wasn't pristine, it was used after all, but the man was a genius. It was beautiful. I grabbed it and fled to my rooms.

I put my armor on a stand in my room. I ran my finger along the seams of drake scale. It seemed like an eternity ago that I'd handed Wade the scales. I rubbed my eyes and dressed for dinner.

Since it wasn't meant to be a formal affair, I put on the kind of dress that I favored. Fine combed wool, soft and sturdy. This one was green. I braided my hair, letting it hang in a rope down my back. I left my room to find Varel waiting for me in my study.

"Something wrong?"

"No, Commander. The king was shown to the guest quarters and his guards were shown to the barracks. Captain Garevel will take care of them." He offered me his arm. "Shall I walk you to dinner? The Grey Wardens are assembled." I took his arm and we made our way through the rabbit's warren of corridors to the small dining room.

I wasn't prepared to face Alistair. Granted, it had been a long time, but my feelings were still raw. Initially, there was much to do. The final battle, the coronation. By the time I was heading to Vigil's Keep, I was so used to keeping my feelings buried, that I didn't know how to let them surface without drowning. Now and then they would fight to the surface, but I no longer knew how to deal with them.

He entered the room, announced by Varel. He was luminous. His red gold hair was shining in the lamplight. Hazel eyes were set off by the deep blue of his doublet. The rest of us looked like peasants.

My heart lurched at the sight of him. I wanted to tear my clothes off and throw myself at him. I wanted to free him from his breeches, take him into my mouth. I settled for bowing and introducing him to my new Wardens.

"You know Oghren." Oghren beamed, shook Alistair's hand and thumped the king's back.

"Ha! So the little pike twirler is checking up on us!" Oghren laughed, a deep rumbling sound, as Alistair winced. Everyone raised their eyebrows and Sigrun giggled.

"Yes, imagine that. I can't believe you survived the Joining."

"He did survive and he's been good at my back, as always." I shot Sigrun a look and she quieted. "Anders, a mage. The one that Templar woman tried to brand a maleficar. Sigrun, formally of the Legion of the Dead. Valenna of the Dalish." She snorted and looked away. She had no love of human authority. "Nathaniel Howe, recently returned from the Free Marches." Alistair pursed his lips and looked at me. I shook my head. "And this is Justice. His background is... complicated."

Out of the corner of his mouth, Alistair said, "He looks a little dead."

"As I said, it's complicated."

We sat down to dinner and Justice explained the situation. Alistair looked both disgusted and fascinated. I knew that sooner or later he'd pepper the spirit with inane questions. Ah, Alistair. He hadn't changed.

Even so, dinner went well. My Wardens were on their best behavior. Alistair pressed Nathaniel for details, trying to make certain that he was truly innocent of his father's crimes. It annoyed me. I wouldn't have trusted him if I thought he was untrustworthy.

I thought about dinner as I changed into a nightgown, tossing my dress into the bottom of the armoire. The nightgown was a simple thing, sleeveless white lawn that fell to my knees. After Howe's attack, I hadn't slept naked. Nothing like having to fight to the death while naked to change your habits. I sat down in an overstuffed chair and brushed my hair.

I was pondering such things when I heard a distant commotion. I left my room and walked through the study. Near the door I heard pandemonium. With that much screaming and shouting the castle must be under attack. I grabbed the nearest weapon, a dagger, and burst through my door.

The fight hadn't reached me yet. I heard Sigrun screaming and the clash of weapons. The hallway was dim. I closed my door and tried to melt into shadow, waiting. Soon enough, a man I didn't recognize came running down the hall. Sigrun gave chase, but her legs were too short to keep up.

I jumped out of the shadows and elbowed him in the face. He was stunned and before he could stumble back, I slammed my forearm into his neck, pinning him against the wall. The force caused him to drop his daggers. I glanced at them, smelling the acrid tang of poison.

I stared at him as Captain Garevel, Sigrun, and a handful of guards came running. Fresh torches flared and Alistair joined us.

"Who in the Maker's name are you?"

This man, who I'd never seen before, looked at me, then to Alistair. "The Antivan Crows send their regards, to you and your king."

I curled my lip in disgust. Before I realized it, I slid my dagger across his throat. Arterial blood sprayed across my chest and he slumped. I looked in horror at the corpse. The dagger clattered to the floor as I held my hands out, bouncing on the flagstones.

I started shaking. I hated feeling unsafe. "Sigrun, how did you know?"

She shrugged. "The guards wear silverite armor. This man's armor is steel. You learn to notice such details in Dust Town." I nodded.

Garevel went to get Varel to deal with the mess. Alistair gave me a strange look and left, most of the crowd dispersing. As I stripped off the bloody nightgown and cleaned myself up, I wondered once again. Where in the Maker's name was Zevran?


	6. Many Winter'd Crow

Alistair barged into my study first thing the next morning. I tried to keep my face impassive. I knew what he was angry about. A lame assassination attempt and an absent Zevran. Trust Alistair to put two and two together and come up with eight.

"Can I help you, your majesty?" I gestured to a chair, but he paced the room. He ran his fingers through his hair as he always had when agitated. It reminded me of Oren, my dear nephew. I sighed and shook my head, trying to clear the cobwebs of memory.

He curled his lip at me. "So it seems that your assassin has finally decided to try again. Misplaced your trust, hm?"

I was taken aback at his nasty tone. I couldn't very well tell him why I trusted Zevran. Whispered pledges of loyalty. The look in his eyes when he told me about Rinna. His Fade nightmare. The letter. All reasons that he wouldn't believe. Reasons why I didn't doubt.

"Tell me how you really feel," I shot back. "You think that because he's not here, he's responsible for that pathetic attempt last night. He had nothing to do with it. Even if you think he'd still try after all this time, he's more subtle than that."

He grunted in reply and threw himself into a chair. He stayed restless, picking at his tunic and crossing and uncrossing his legs. "I don't suppose you've heard from him have you?"

In fact, the letter was sitting there on my desk. I had reread it, looking for clues. There was nothing there. If he had been involved in last nights attack, he certainly wouldn't have written me first. I tapped a finger on the letter. Alistair's eyes narrowed. He snatched it from the desk and read it.

"'My sweet,'" he said, mumbling to himself. "'In my dreams... the naughty ones...'" His face turned red as he got to the last few paragraphs. Zevran certainly could be graphic. I snickered as he threw the letter back down. "So, you and Zevran. How long has that been going on?"

"It's really none of your business, now is it." I felt sad and weary. Spend a year as lovers yet can't get along for one day. The Maker certainly has a sense of humor. In other countries the Warden Commander and the monarch typically worked closely together. I'm sure that Alistair would want to continue that, especially since he was a Warden before he was king.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I'll make some inquiries and let you know what turns up, ok?"

"Oh, sure, that's just fine. Who do I talk to about that party celebration thing?"

"Seneschal Varel. Now, if you'll excuse me, your majesty, I am actually very busy."

"I didn't mean..." He stood up and leaned over my desk. "Must it always be like this? Between us? Can't you at least call me Alistair or something?"

"I don't know how it must be, Alistair. I don't know you anymore. I don't know if I ever did."

I spent the rest of the morning reading and answering correspondence. When my Warden and Arlessa business was concluded I drafted a letter to a certain merchant in Denerim who I knew to be a Crow Master. I had done a few "favors" for Master Ignacio during the Blight because I needed coin. He also promised that the Crows would no longer accept contracts on me.

That promise was highly suspect. Bann Esmerelle, formally Bann of Amaranthine, had hired Crows to kill me. Perhaps they didn't connect the Arlessa of Amaranthine with me. I hoped that Master Ignacio would have the answers. Otherwise I didn't know what else to do.

If I thought I could avoid Alistair for the mid day meal, I was wrong. I had sent someone to the kitchen to have my lunch brought to my study. He got wind of it and decided to join me. We ate in silence. After we finished, he was chatty.

"Varel tells me that the Wardens are stable. I mean financially stable that is."

"Yes," I said. "Between trade and taxes we are. But I plan on lowering those taxes considerably. Howe's taxation rate was astronomical."

He smiled. "Better than the days where we had to pick up every bit of treasure to sell."

"Yes, well," I said, rising. "Things change."

He stood and coming around the other side of my desk, caught my arm. "Will it always be like this? You're so grumpy and, and not friendly."

"What am I supposed to do? You broke my heart, you big oaf!"

He let go of my arm. "Ok, I guess I didn't think of it that way." He touched my shoulder. "Can we at least be friends?" That touch felt like the crackle of an electric bolt from Anders. He must have felt it, too. He pulled his hand back in shock. "Oh! Well, that was unexpected. So? Friends?"

He looked so earnest, so sincere. I wanted to punch him. "I can't just turn off my feelings, Alistair." I pushed passed him, trying to exit the room. He grabbed my arm again and spun me around to face him.

"Feelings? What are you talking about?" I glared at him. "You... oh." He blushed and stared at me.

"Now that the air is clear, I really need to go." Dumbfounded, he let go of my arm and I left. I resisted the urge to slam the door. But if the air was cleared, why didn't I feel better?

I wandered out of the Keep and eventually found myself in the practice yard. I watched Oghren and Sigrun tell absurd stories to a pair of extremely green recruits. The guard Horace was listlessly poking a practice dummy with a knife. Valenna and Anders were competing to see who could blow up bales of hay the fastest.

Anders waved. "Commander! Valenna's fireballs really are bigger than mine. She unmanned me! Right here in front of everybody."

Valenna snorted. "That is not likely. I am sure that I am not the first." I laughed as Anders clutched his heart and staggered back.

He looked up at the parapet. "Oooh, it seems that our King is watching us. Perhaps he's developed an interest in our lovely Dalish mage. Eh, Commander?" He nudged me with his elbow and I rolled my eyes.

"I think not, Anders. He is watching the Commander." They both stared at me until I threw up my hands in defeat.

"Who knows if he is or isn't. I don't care," I lied. When I looked back up, he was gone. I wondered why he was watching in the first place.


	7. The King Cometh

The banquet hall was crowded with a myriad of nobility and guards. The brightly colored clothing that was the rage looked less garish in the firelight. Well, Alistair wanted a gala and here it was. In a concession to him, I was wearing a fine dress. Velvet in a midnight blue. I'd even let Velanna put my hair up. I felt absurd.

Being in the same room with Alistair made my skin prickle. I was acutely aware of exactly where he was at any given moment. I made small talk with this noble and that. Perhaps I would leave the minor details of Amaranthine to Varel. I was tired of demands for troops or concessions. I heard the bell for dinner, and we all sat.

At the main table, I sat next to Alistair. He was the king, and I was the arlessa. He was on my right, not near enough to touch, but enough that I could feel his heat. Anders was on my left and Justice was on Alistair's right. The rest of my Wardens were opposite us. Amaranthine's nobility were arrayed at various other tables below the dais of the main table.

"And so I says, I says..." Oghren belched, passed out, and slid under the table. We all laughed, except Valenna, who looked disgusted and Justice, who didn't understand drinking.

Sigrun's eyes were wide. "Did he really challenge this Bann Teagan to a drinking contest? An entire barrel of pickle juice?"

Alistair and I looked at each other, amused. "Never accept a drinking challenge from Oghren, right Eth?" He nudged me with his elbow, eyes shining with shared memories.

"Oh, yes. Once he offered me a sip of his "home brew". I woke up hours later, puking my guts out in the bushes."

Justice looked up. "Am I to understand that you go by the name "Eth", yet this is not your given name."

Alistair snorted. "If you know what's good for you, you won't ask her that question." He gave an exaggerated shudder. I pretended to cuff him on the shoulder and he feigned cringing.

"Long story short, Justice, it's the shortened version of an old family name. A name which I find absurd and prefer not to use, ok?" Maker, let him drop it. The name wasn't just absurd, it was downright embarrassing. I should have figured that Sigrun, with her insatiable curiosity, wouldn't let it go.

"No, really, Commander, what is it?"

"Fine. It's Ethelfleda. Happy?" From the snorts and snickers, they were. I bared my teeth "Of course, I'll have to kill anyone who actually calls me that."

As the evening wore on, I found myself alone at the table with Alistair. I was tired and a little bit tipsy. I felt melancholy. He was so close and yet so far away. He stared at the revelry going on below. Stirring, he turned to me and smiled. "Who'd have thought, eh? Me the king and you the Grey Warden Commander and arlessa of Amaranthine."

"It is kind of unbelievable. Are you still mad about the whole king thing?"

He patted my arm. "Not any more. Not ever really. With all of my bumbling I still think I'm a better choice than Anora."

"True." I watched him stand. "Early to bed, your Majesty?"

"Oh stop it. It's Alistair, ok? Actually, I thought we could have a word in private." He nodded toward the throng, and Oghren still snoring under the table.

"Of course. The Grey Warden Commander must work with the king. Is my private study ok?" He held out his hand. I brushed past it and we left.

We entered my rooms. I suppose at one time this room was a salon, but I had converted it to a study. I had no intention of hosting any salons. With a pang, I remembered my mother's salons. Lady Landra drinking more than her share. Sweet Diarren and his soft mouth, always willing to hide behind tapestries and kiss. Maker I was tired of being sad.

I shut the door behind us and turned to Alistair. "Will this do, Majesty? It's quiet." He sat on the couch and gestured to the other side. I sat down, facing him, feeling skeptical.

"Can you stop with the majesty thing? It makes me want to look for Cailan." He smiled and I could tell he was trying to be conciliatory.

"I'm sorry, Alistair. This situation is awkward. I'm not sure how to behave."

He laughed. "As I recall, you've always behaved any way you wanted. Anyway, I've wanted to talk to you since I arrived. Talk, in private I mean." I just looked at him and pulled pins out of my hair. He watched me flick them onto a side table.

I rubbed my eyes and scratched my scalp, loosening my hair. "Alistair, not to sound like a hysterical female, but I'm not sure about..." I took a deep breath. "I was hurt. I AM hurt." I took off the ridiculous shoes Leliana had sent and tucked my feet under me.

"I... oh. I messed up, didn't I?"

"That, Alistair, is the understatement of the year." I ached to touch him. To curl into the crook of his arm where I knew I fit so well. To tuck my head under his chin and listen to his voice rumble through his chest. To... do so many things. I dropped my head into my hands.

"Would it help to know that I've been miserable every second of every day?" I looked at him, perplexed. Perhaps it was the wine talking.

He opened his arms. I raised my eyebrows. He gestured for me to come closer. I hesitated before scooting over.

He wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my arms. Softly, he kissed my forehead. I stiffened, and I felt him do the same. I looked up at him.

"I can't do this, Alistair." I felt his sigh. "No, listen. I will always be waiting for a repeat of that little performance of yours. The one where you humiliated me after the Landsmeet. I just can't."

"What can I say?"

"I don't know there's anything to say. You're a jerk and I hate you." It took a few moments but I realized he was laughing. A gentle hand tipped my face up towards his.

"Look at me, Eth." He pressed his lips to mine, slowly kissing me.

After a wonderfully breathless time, we separated. I snuggled into him and he stroked my cheek. "It's no good, Eth."

"What is?"

"This. You here, me in Denerim." He shifted and pulled me into his lap. "I thought I made the right decision. I've tried to live without you. I can't." He sighed and kissed my hair. "I didn't know how to admit I was wrong."

"Alistair?"

"Hm?"

"Let's go to bed."

I could feel him smile into my hair. "What can I say? Your wish is my command."

He buried himself between my thighs. Ah, such a wonderful sensation. Being with him, being in his arms, it filled the emptiness. I had pretended that it wasn't there, but the ache remained. Not even being with Zevran had filled it. I deeply missed Alistair.

I wondered how it was with other women. Part of my mind was reveling in him being inside of me. The other part wondered what others' would think, and realizing that I didn't care. I know that some think of me as a short tempered control freak, but again, I just didn't care.

His thrusting sped up and I hit my climax. As he shuddered with his summit, I felt tears running down my face. He collapsed on top of me, burying his face in my shoulder, panting with his efforts. He disengaged and rolled over, nestling me in his arms.

He kissed my forehead and brushed my tears away with his thumb. "Something wrong, Eth? It wasn't so bad, was it?"

I smiled, despite myself. "No. Oh no. It's just that I've missed you. And I still hate you." I pressed into him, trying to get closer.

"Maker's breath, I'm an ass, aren't I? I'm so sorry. It was the worst mistake of my life." He chuckled. "Even worse than the time I forgot to wear padding under my armor. Oh! The chafing!" We laughed, drifting off into companionable silence. He played with my fingers. "Eamon's been pressuring me to get married. I thought I could, but now?"

"It's a complicated business. But why not? It'd be nice to know that the Ferelden we saved won't dissolve into chaos once we receive our Calling if you could secure the succession."

"Hm. That's a thought." His mouth found mine. "Perhaps we should speak of it in the morning."


	8. Mislaid King

Somewhere, someone was shouting. Someone was also pounding on my door. The same someone? I was disoriented and languid after a night of pleasure. The pounding got louder. Several someones? I pulled a sheet over my nudity and sat up as the door burst open, cursing myself for sleeping naked.

Varel ran in, followed by Alistair's guards and Oghren. He stopped short when he realized that I wasn't dressed. "Maker's breath, Commander! The King isn't in his bed! He's missing!"

I blinked. Oh. Oh! I poked the lump behind me. When it didn't move I poked it harder. The lump mumbled and a red-gold head popped up. "Leave me alone you minx. I'm _tired_." Our audience's faces collectively turned red, except for Oghren.

"Alistair," I said out of the corner of my mouth. "They seem to think the King is missing. Get up."

"He is? Well, good for him. Oh, wait. That's me." He blushed and waved a hand sheepishly. "Um, king is found. Thank you for looking." He groaned and flopped back, putting a pillow over his face. I pulled the sheet up to his waist.

Varel's face was bright red. "Of course, your Majesty. I will, uh, let everyone know you are safe." Everyone filed out behind him. Oghren had a parting shot.

"Finally sheathed your sword back where it belongs. Good on you son." With that, the door was closed and we were alone.

I poked him yet again. "Are you going to stay there all day?"

"I thought I'd stay here for a bit. I'm used to being embarrassed, just not usually in front of so many people." His voice took on a plaintive tone as he put the pillow under his head. "Now there will be talk and everyone will stare."

"You're the king. People will always stare at you." I tickled his bare chest. "Am I that embarrassing?"

He grabbed me and pulled me down into his arms. "Let me show you what I think of you," he said, laughing.

Alistair was right. There were definitely stares and a fair share of giggles, too. The pair of maids who brought our lunch were wide eyed. They whispered behind their hands, tittering and blushing if Alistair looked at them. He sighed and put up with it. I would even think that he enjoyed it.

We talked as we ate. Our lives were short thanks to the taint. I hoped we had learned that we needed to be honest with each other. We didn't have time on our side. I know I tend to be mopey, but I wasn't about to let this go. Even if it did seem like a fast turn of events. I knew full well that I'd have to share him with an eventual wife, but that was in the future.

"I made Eamon chancellor."

"That's good. He's a good man. What about Bann Teagan?"

"He's now the Arl of Redcliffe. The people there really love him for what he did during the undead attacks."

"Huh. I will always think of him as Bann Teagan. Do you think he will marry now?"

"I don't know. He'll be disappointed to know that you are no longer available."

"Oh, am I? I wasn't aware that I had agreed to anything," I said, raising an eyebrow at him. It wasn't my fault that he was so easy to bait.

"Ouch! You wound me, dear lady. I guess I earned that. Now I'm all heartbroken." He tried to hide a grin behind a pout and failed. He reached across the table and took my hand. "Speaking of Eamon. There's this princess. From Orlais. She's Empress Celene's cousin."

"Uh huh. I see where this is going. Eamon is trying to arrange a marriage, yes?" He twined my fingers in his and nodded. "Alistair, you know that the succession needs to be secured. You and I can't do it. And I know that a family is one of your fondest dreams."

"How do you know that?"

"Remember the Circle Tower? The Fade? I saw your dreams."

"Riiiight. Uh, about that. You didn't tell anyone, did you?"

I laughed. "Of course not. Your dream was good. Our companions and their dreams... not so much." I disentangled my fingers and squeezed his hand. "Your fondest dream. I'm not going to stand in the way of that."

"Oh, good. I don't know who scares me more, you or Eamon. You're really ok with this? When I'm married, I'll have, uh, duties. To her. My wife I mean."

"So eloquent." I rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, the first piece of clothing I'd found. "I've lost enough. Even if I have to share, I won't loose you again."

He took my hand again and squeezed back. "What about Zevran?"

I looked at him, gazing into his eyes. "What is your capacity to love? Can you measure it? I want my measure of happiness. I know it will never be a full allotment, but I'm going to die young. I'm barren and tainted. I'll take what I can get. Besides, won't you be married?"

"Point taken. Eth, I love you. Never forget that."

"I know, Alistair. I love you, too."

He stood and I drank him in. Clad only in drawstring pants, he fairly glowed. That familiar body, those familiar scars. Such a beautiful man. He turned my chair and knelt in front of me. He took my hands in his.

"Can we do this? Really do this?"

"Honestly, Alistair? Why not? You're the king after all. Now stop being so silly. We can't stay in here forever." I gave him a big grin and he laughed.

"So is this the part where I get poetic?" He released my hands and sat back on his heels. "Your tawny hair that shines like polished armor. The limpid pools of your eyes, brown like some really ancient... wooden thing..."

I laughed until I could barely breathe. "Oh, Maker, Alistair, you need to stop. That is too much. Say something about alabaster skin and I will hit you." He grinned like an idiot.

"Then can I say something about the perfect globes of your breasts? No? How about your pert backside?" I raised my fist at him. "Ok, ok. I think I'm ready to face the teaming hordes."

After a light dinner and banishing Alistair to the practice yard, I tackled the pile of correspondence that had come in that day. I was delighted when I saw a letter from Fergus.

Light and chatty, he told me that he had met a delightful woman at Alistair's coronation. Kaitlyn. Ferelden didn't seem small when one was walking back and forth across the land, but I guess it was. Kaitlyn had a younger brother, Bevin I think. Yes, I remembered them from Redcliffe. She started out as a maid and Fergus wanted to know what I'd think if he married her.

It wasn't up to me, of course. I did know her, she was sweet. At the end of the day, all I hoped was that he was happy. The rest of his letter had me frowning.

Some human, a _shem_, I thought wryly, had been trying to recruit elves from Highever for the Crows. Elves had always been treated well in Highever and they had gone to Fergus out of concern.

No rest for the weary. I had to go home.


	9. Homeward Bound

It was decided. Nathaniel and I would go to Highever to check up on Fergus. Alistair would return to court, Denerim, Arl Eamon, and eventually his Orlesian princess. Valenna would go with him to scout the Alienage for recruits. It would be good for her, not every elf was lucky enough to be born Dalish. The Alienage elves were the way they were for reason. Uncountable centuries of oppression does nasty things to a people.

The courtyard of the Keep was crowded with people taking their leave. Alistair's guards stamped their feet and blew on their fingers in the early morning Ferelden chill. He folded me into his arms, wrapping his cloak around us.

"Love, are you sure you'll only take Nathaniel? I would like you to be better protected."

I tapped the chest plate of his armor. "I would rather be seen as a sister going home to visit than as the Hero of Ferelden swooping in to clean out a den of assassins. Besides, if you haven't noticed, I can take care of myself."

"Hm, yes," he said, kissing my forehead. "You know how I feel about swooping." He spun me around and gently shoved me toward Nathaniel, who was waiting by the main gate. He smacked my bottom and said, "Go, you minx, before I insist you return with me."

Laughing, I left the hustle and bustle of the Keep behind as Nathaniel and I turned west toward Highever.

The Ferelden air was crisp and the leaves were turning. A beautiful day for a journey. Highever wasn't far, maybe six hours or so, and with luck, we'd be there before dinner. I set a fast pace, anxious to get home.

Was it still home? I doubted that any of my personal possessions still existed. Fergus was still there, of course. I missed my brother deeply. I also missed my parents, but that was a profound ache that I could ignore most days. Home and not home I guess.

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that the first few hours sped by. I didn't notice that Nathaniel was in a foul mood. I realized when we stopped for lunch that he had been silent the entire journey. He wasn't normally talkative, but absolute silence wasn't like him.

As we finished eating, I asked him. "Something bothering you?"

He glared at me. I was taken back. I had no idea he was angry. He curled his lip and stared at me with cold, gray eyes. "I take it that out pleasant diversions are over?"

"Do you want them to be over?" I asked, perplexed.

"It seems that you've reunited with the man you've wanted all along. You no longer need a stand in."

"Is that what you think? That you were a replacement? It's not that simple, Nathaniel." I put my hand on his arm. He pulled away and looked down the road.

"Odd how you think so much about some things, but not at all about other things. It seems that this is something we need to discuss, but at a later date. Your brother awaits."

We made the final approach to Castle Cousland. It was near the dinner hour and the sun was lowering in the sky. I looked at the main doors. They were brand new. Of course they would be, Howe and his men had broken the old ones down. Those doors were ancient, destroyed in one night by a greedy man.

A guard admitted us and went to fetch my brother. I looked around. Everything was new. The woodwork smelled of beeswax and lemon oil. My first instinct was to flee. I turned to Nathaniel, panicked. He squeezed my arm and smiled reassuringly. I took a deep breath. I was the Commander of the Grey. I could do this. I could visit my childhood home and be fine with it. The ghost of Howe wouldn't keep me away.

I took another deep breath and squared my shoulders. I could do this. Fortunately, Fergus arrived in short order, long before my new found resolve fled.

He entered from the opposite door from us. His face lit up and he swept me up in a bone crushing embrace. "Maker's breath, Eth! You are a sight for sore eyes!" He held me at arms length and inspected me. "You are too pale and too thin. Don't they feed the Wardens?" I laughed. He didn't know about the hunger the Taint brings. Thin I might be, but I could put away enough food to shame a troop of men.

"Oh, Fergus!" I breathed his name like a prayer. "I'm so glad to be here, to be home!" I heard a small sound from Nathaniel and turned to reacquaint them. Fergus' grip tightened and his eyes narrowed.

"Why, _dear _sister, you've brought a guest. And a particularly dangerous one at that," he hissed, glaring at both of us. I had long come to terms with Nathaniel's lineage. It was stupid of me to forget how Fergus would feel, and stupid of me to bring Nathaniel without thinking how he would also feel. Suddenly I felt old.

I gently pried Fergus' hands off of my arms and held his hands in mine. "Fergus," I said mildly. "I didn't bring him here for any nefarious reason. You two were friends, once. Neither of you have done anything that should have changed that."

They stared at each other for what seemed like forever. Then, abruptly, the tension between them snapped and I exhaled a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Fergus held out his hand to Nathaniel. They clasped hands, warily smiling at each other.

My brother turned to me. "So good old Nate is a Warden now?" He shook his head. "How did that happen?"

"I conscripted him," I said, with a lightness I didn't feel. "He was, um, at the Keep. The other Wardens from Orlais had been killed in that attack I wrote you about and I needed his help." I forestalled his next question. "No, I didn't trust him initially, so I figured that I'd keep my enemy close. But I do trust him now, Fergus, I really do. He had no idea what his father was up to. He'd been in the Free Marches for eight years. Ok?"

Fergus held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Ok, ok. You've worn me down with your persuasive arguments, as you usually do. I'm still trying to wrap my head around my little sister as the Commander of the Grey."

"You're telling me, Fergus," Nathaniel said in his quiet voice. "Where is the little girl who used to follow us around, in her ripped clothes and hair like a birds' nest?"

I made a face at both of them. "I should have left you at the Keep," I said to Nathaniel. They laughed at me, the tension gone. It almost felt like old times. "Just promise me that neither of you will lock me in the chapel, ok?" They smirked at each other. Great, this was going to be an interesting visit.


	10. Of Elves and Qunari

Fergus took my arm. "Dinner awaits us, good Sers. And there is someone here who is near dying to see you." At some unspoken signal from Fergus, Nathaniel took my other arm. We made a merry trio as we made our way to the dining room, reliving old exploits.

"I couldn't believe Mother Mallol never told a soul! Fergus you..." I pulled up short at the company awaiting us. "Maker's breath! Bevin, is that you?" The lanky twelve year old was now nearly fifteen and had definitely had a growth spurt. He was only a half a head shorter than me. Kaitlyn was also there, smiling shyly and curtsying.

"Warden Eth, it is so good to see you again!" Fergus went around the table to her, putting his arm around her. They smiled at each other and it made my heart ache. I hadn't seen my brother that happy in so long.

"What do you think, Eth? Should I make Kaitlyn here the Teyrna of Highever?" She blushed and looked mortified.

I laughed. "I don't think it's up to me, Fergus, and you've never listened to me anyway." To my left Nathaniel chuckled. "As long as you're happy."

During the meal we discussed my encounters with the Crows and Fergus told me about the concerns in the Alienage. Elves had always been treated well in Highever. I don't even know why we called the Alienage that, half of the elves didn't even live inside of it. The gates hadn't been shut in centuries until Howe's wretched men disturbed the plants and bushes growing around the gates to shut them.

So off we were, first thing that morning, to see what was to be seen and talk to those we needed to talk to. Bevin had wanted to come along and he kept up a running commentary on the short walk into town. The handful of knights that accompanied us smiled at him indulgently.

"I've kept my grandfather's sword safe, just like you told me to. I'm getting stronger, I am! I can lift it now with no problem. And sometimes the knights in the castle let me squire for them! Can you believe that, Commander Eth?" He stopped for air and I quickly interjected.

"I wonder if your sister would let you come and squire for me at Vigil's Keep?" Bevin's eyes went round as saucers and Kaitlyn looked vaguely worried. Nathaniel chuckled.

"She will run you ragged, son." Bevin just stared, eyes shining. "She's a harsh task mistress, that one. You'll not find better training."

The young boy found his tongue and kept up a monologue for the rest of the trip. You'd think I'd offered him the keys to the Maker's door. It was strangely heartwarming.

We approached the Alienage in short order. We headed for the vhenadahl, the large tree in the center of the Alienage. It had battle scars but still looked healthy.

A small group of elves converged on us. They seemed to be led by an especially delicately featured woman, her brown hair drawn up in a myriad of tiny braids, and pale blue eyes shining. "Be welcome, Teyrn Cousland." I guessed that she was the Hahren.

"Thank you, Hahren Esme. This is my sister, Eth. She is here in response to the troubling situation you brought to my attention."

She smiled at me serenely. "I am very pleased to meet you." She gave me a small bow and gestured to the elves standing around her. "These are the ones you wish to speak to. Know this. The Couslands have always treated the elves well. This is why I went to the Teyrn." Her voice was like velvet. She nudged an older man forward, his steel gray hair hanging loose around his shoulders.

"My lady, I am Alfgar. Several weeks ago I was approached by a man with an accent I'd never heard before. He told me he'd pay me a pouch of sovereigns if I'd spy on the Teyrn. I turned him down." He nodded at the two young females who'd yet to speak.

They both bobbed a curtsey and then the redhead spoke. "I am Dorelai. I have some skill in hunting, as does my brother Gil. This same man approached us and offered payment to join the Wardens and kill you." My blood ran cold and I heard Nathaniel hiss.

The blonde said, "I am Sarai. I am a baker's apprentice. I was also approached by this same man and was asked to send poisoned baked goods to the Wardens."

In bits and pieces it came out. The man hadn't been seen since then. He was slightly older, maybe my father's age, nondescript in appearance. They were to make their way to Gwaren for payment once news got out that either Alistair or myself were dead. No one could place the accent. I assumed it was probably Antivan. Bloody Antivans.

I bowed to Esme. "Thank you, Hahren Esme, for both this information and your loyalty." I handed her a pouch of coin to be distributed to any in need. Esme looked startled.

"We have no need of payment for loyalty, my lady. The Teyrn takes care of Highever."

I smiled at her. "I know, and I mean no offense. It's just that in my travels I've learned that sometimes elves don't complain until things get really bad.." I thought of the proud Dalish and the poor elves in Denerim's Alienage.

She shook her head ruefully. "This is sometimes true. Here in Highever we rarely have cause to complain. Still, thank you."

The walk back was much quieter. I felt dejected. The information was good, it confirmed my suspicions that at least one Crow cell was still taking contracts on us. Blast it all, it wasn't _enough_ information. I had a suspicion that if I investigated Gwaren no one would have ever heard of a man with an Antivan accent. I sighed and kicked a stone in the road.

Fergus saw it. "Aw, is my little sister frustrated?" I scowled at him. "I'm sorry, Eth."

"I know, Fergus. I just hate this stupid problem. Nothing obvious to hit with my swords." I took a deep breath of sweet Fereldan air. It was harvest time and I could see workers in the fields we passed.

Fereldan is a beautiful land, for all that I have never left it's boundaries. Rich forests and rich farmland, mountains and valleys, coasts and plains; I loved it all. We were a hard-working people, loyal and stubborn.

An hour outside of the castle, the tidy little farms thinned out. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I failed to notice the enormous pile of hay sitting next to a small copse of trees and scrub bushes. If I had been paying even a little more attention, what happened next would have fallen out in a very different way.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw the hay burst apart. Four Qunari came at us screaming. As I drew my weapons, all I could see was a Qunari with the largest maul I've ever seen going straight for Fergus.


	11. The Lonely Road

It was frantic. Qunari battle cries competed with the frightened whimpers of Kaitlyn. I couldn't see Fergus, but Nathaniel was loosing off arrows from a position on the ground. Four Qunari. That's it. They are fierce fighters. Mortal, though. They were soon dispatched.

Breathing hard, I surveyed the scene. Fergus was stunned, but appeared unharmed. The four knights we had traveled with had formed a wall between the Qunari and the unarmed. Kaitlyn was scared out of her mind. Bevin looked both shocked and excited.

Fergus was laying in a heap. And Nathaniel... Maker's breath, Nathaniel. He was half prone, in the same position he was firing from. His left leg looked odd.

Standing, Fergus sent two of the knights off on a trot to have someone from the castle to come clean this mess up. I was absorbed in pondering the attack, Qunari of all people, when Fergus' urgent voice broke into my thoughts.

"Eth. Eth! Nathaniel... sweet Andraste, Eth, he's hurt."

I rushed to Nathaniel's side. His left leg did indeed look broken at the thigh. Curse me for a fool, why didn't I bring a healer? I knelt down beside him. "Hey. Hang on. I'm so sorry." Nathaniel just grimaced as I helped him drink one of the few health potions I had.

"He saved my life, Eth. Shoved me out of the way, took the hit, and kept on firing. Maker's breath! He saved me!" Fergus ran his fingers through his hair, shaking.

"Nathaniel, thank you." He waved Fergus off, shaking his head.

"Eth," he said through gritted teeth, "before you straighten this leg out, check the Qunari. They don't seem like normal bandits."

"No. Your leg, Nathaniel. They are dead, they aren't going anywhere." With the help of the remaining two knights, we fashioned a makeshift splint from sticks and my cloak, torn into strips. The knights, I never knew their names, held him tight around his chest. With a muttered apology I yanked his leg straight. He was strong, both mentally and physically, I'll give him that. He grunted, guttural and deep, but didn't cry out. Stronger than me, I'd rather lose a finger than break a bone.

"It's done." He was panting and had lost all color in his face. "Check them."

"Damn it, Nathaniel! You're too stoic for your own damn good. Let me at least see you on the way back to the castle before I go looting dead bodies." He grimaced as the knights helped him to stand. Then they linked hands and lifted him. "Just go," I said to them. "We'll be ok until reinforcements get here."

He started to open his mouth but I put my hand up. "Please don't argue with me. I can handle it and you're injured."

I turned my attention to the bodies. They were all wearing heavy armor. I went to the bushes and found their gear. The usual stuff, poultices, looted jewelry, and, oh, good, a packet of papers. Fergus found me squatting in the dirt, frowning over the contents.

"Good to see that being Warden Commander hasn't divested you of all your charming manners." I looked up into the wry grin of Fergus. I tried to resist the urge to make a face at him but reconsidered and stuck my tongue out. "Dear little sister." He shook his head. "So what have you found that is so interesting you're still in the dirt?"

"If you must know, _brother dear_, it's an treatise on the various torture methods employed by annoyed younger sisters." He tried to snatch the papers, but I rolled away. He gave chase and I ran around the bush and onto the road. I was whooping and laughing as he tried to catch me, earning us some strange looks. "You're not going to catch me, Fergus! Do you yield?"

He was panting and I wasn't even winded. "Fine, fine. I yield to my baby sister, fierce slayer of darkspawn and other evil thingies. Good? Yes? So what did you find?"

"It's bad, Fergus," I said, sobering. "Most of it I can't read, but here." I showed him a much folded letter. "See that mark at the bottom? That's the Crow symbol."

He blew his breath out. "You traveled with a qunari, right? You never learned their language?"

"No, I didn't. The qunari are..." I groped for the words. "They are not like us. They don't really believe in cultural exchange. At any rate, these mercenaries were hired by Crows."

I shivered, belatedly realizing that my cloak was in strips. I could see the knights returning, dragging a cart for the bodies. I rubbed my hands on my arms, trying to warm up. Nothing more for me to do here. Suddenly I desperately wanted to be indoors.

"Let's go. Kaitlyn looks like she's about to fall over." I stomped down the road, hoping they would follow.

All that stomping and kicking stones didn't ease the blood rage in my head. To think that my family was in danger made me see red. Who in their right mind attacked Grey Wardens? Ok, Zevran, but that man had never been in his right mind. It was suicide. Either someone was very stupid or hated me very much.

I entered the hall and grabbed a passing servant. "Where did they take Nathaniel?"

"I'm sorry, my lady, who?"

"The man with the broken leg."

"Oh, him. He's in your old room, resting." Of course he was in my old room. I hurried out.

I reached the door and knocked softly. There was no answer, so I assumed he was asleep. I entered the room and closed the door gently behind me. In the half light I could see him, flat on his back.

"Commander." I jumped at his voice.

"Nathaniel. How do you feel?"

"Tired. Sore." He tried to shift. "Also a little uncomfortable."

I helped him sit up a bit and put pillows behind his head. He sighed as I brushed his hair back from his forehead. I put another pillow under his left ankle to prop up his leg.

"I'm sorry, Nathaniel. So sorry. Some commander I am."

He patted the bed and I sat down on his right side. "Don't think that. I can't have been the first person to have been injured under your command."

"Well, no. But this feels different. There's no war. Or at least, not one declared openly," I said, mentally shaking my fist at the Crows. "There isn't a healer between here and Amaranthine and the only cart is hand pulled."

"Mmhmm." His eyes were closed. He gave my hand a little squeeze as he dozed off. I kissed his forehead and left.

I found Fergus in the main hall. We made arrangements for Nathaniel's care. Fergus looked thoughtful and rubbed his chin.

"Eth, he saved my life. There's nothing I can do to repay it."

"I know, Fergus. He's a good man. I'm glad that his father didn't ruin him."

He hugged me tight. "It'll be alright, Eth. You'll force it at sword point to be alright if you have to."

Wrapped tight in my brother's love, I thought, maybe it will be.


	12. The Interview

_A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews and story alert adds. I appreciate each and everyone who reads this!_

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As I returned to Vigil's Keep, I still wrestled with my decision to leave Nathaniel behind. It had been a more difficult journey back. I was alone and female. Maker knows that put a target on my back. Not that I couldn't handle myself, I just wasn't in the mood to fight my way across Fereldan... again. At least he was healing well when I left him. A good deal of elfroot and some health poultices were doing a good job of speeding the process along.

The Keep looked intact. No matter that I had been gone only a week. With Oghren in residence and without me to reign him in, chaos usually ensued. He was lucky I liked him. I can't imagine anyone putting up with him who didn't.

I entered the throne room, my eyes adjusting to the dim light. Everything appeared fine. Bob the dragon skull hung above the throne. Fred the dead golem slumped in his niche. The giant brazier in the middle of the room burned brightly. I saw Varel waiting for me near the throne.

"What news Varel?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, he gave me a bow of greeting. "Nothing to report, Commander. We didn't expect you back so soon. Velanna hasn't returned, they are probably only getting to Denerim just now."

"I'm glad it's been quiet. Um, you may have noticed that Nathaniel isn't with me." I proceeded to tell him what happened. The only shock that registered visibly was raised eyebrows. Maker bless the man, very little phased him. "So I'll need a cart and some oxen to pull it. He needs to be home to heal properly. I'll probably take a few Wardens with me. Anders definitely, he's a healer, and I think that Oghren and Sigrun will do. See to it please. I need a nap and a bath. I'd like to leave first thing tomorrow morning."

As it turned out, leaving the next morning wasn't a option. A cart to haul Nathaniel back wouldn't be available for a few days. Stepping out of the bath, I vigorously toweled myself off, pacing the room. So much to do. I needed to retrieve Nathaniel. I needed to deal with the Crows.

Oh, and the elves. Two tracks laid themselves out in my mind. First, I needed to inspect the Alienage in Amaranthine. I wouldn't let any people in my care live in squalor. Second, that last darkspawn incursion had left some of our farmers dead. There was empty land, good farm land. I wondered if there were any Dalish clans who would be interesting in living there. It wasn't as much land as the Wilds that Alistair had granted to Keeper Lanaya and the rest of the Dalish, but it was enough for a clan or two.

A nap would be out of the question until I had spoken with Mistress Woolsey. I threw on a dress and braided my hair into a long cable. My mother had always wanted me to have it long. It was more lady-like she said. I sighed and rubbed my temples as I walked to the small study where Woolsey had set up her lair. I hadn't cut my hair since my parents were killed and it hung to beneath my shoulder blades.

I found Woolsey ensconced behind an enormous desk. It was probably bigger than mine. She handled all financial matters for both the Wardens and the Arling. Better her than me. I was never terribly good with numbers. I was slightly surprised to find Varel with her. They were looking at a ledger and I guessed they were going over the numbers for supplies and retainer payments.

"How do the finances stand?" I asked, announcing my presence. They looked at me and smiled. "That good?" They nodded. "Wonderful. Mistress Woolsey, I had an idea to open a school in Amaranthine. One that any child could attend without having to pay." Varel smiled again and Woolsey just looked blank. I plunged on ahead. "Also, I want to inspect the Alienage. They are my people, too, and I won't have them living in squalor."

She brightened a bit at that. "I think that's a commendable idea, Commander. And since I'm here at the behest of the Wardens in Weisshaupt, there is another matter. Servants."

"What of them? We have enough, right? Some to cook and some to tidy up?" I was perplexed. We had the basics, what more was needed?

"Precisely, Commander. A few cooks and scullery maids. The First Warden of Weisshaupt wishes to see this Arling succeed. To show the world that Wardens can have a place even when there is no Blight."

"I still don't see what this has to do with servants." Alright, Mistress Lemon Sucker, what is your game now?

"It's about appearances, Commander. Right now the Keep is run like a war camp. You need more staff that isn't of the military variety. Maids, man-servants, perhaps even a lady-in-waiting." She was wise enough to stop there and let me digest what she had said.

I looked at Varel, thinking he'd help me. I didn't go in for the trappings of nobility, and for the most part, neither did my parents. What on Thedas would I do with a personal maid? "Varel? A little help? I don't need an army of servants."

He cleared his throat. "Mistress Woolsey has a point, Commander. At some point you're going to have to live as though you weren't about to run off to war."

And so I found myself interviewing maids. It was a strange experience and I sorely missed my mother. Her guidance was truly needed. Up until this point, the only companions I'd chosen had been fighters of some form or another. Also, I chose them in the heat of the moment. I'd only made one mistake; Valenna. She was a nasty piece of work, but good in battle.

Now I had to pick people based on an entirely different skill set. I think that Mistress Lemon Sucker had planned this. The next day the Throne room was full of applicants. I sat in my study waiting and she had a few things to say before we started.

"I can send in only elves, Commander. They demand lesser pay than humans or dwarves."

I glared at her. "Let's get one thing straight. I've yet to differentiate between elf, human, or dwarf. I don't even care about mages or apostates. If you ever speak like that again, you will be dismissed, is that clear?"

"Perfectly, Commander." Her face pinched up. Mistress Lemon Sucker indeed.

"Also, pay will be equal for men and women, regardless of race. Understood?"

"As you wish. On to the interviews then. They all have some experience. Most have letters of recommendation except for the ones who worked for the previous Arl. You'll only need to speak with a few of them, unless you wish to personally interview each scullery maid?"

"No, that will be fine. Anything else, Oh Mistress of the Coin?" I thought I saw a glimmer of a smile twitch at the corner of her mouth at that title.

"That will be all. I'll send the first one in." She left the room with her usual haughty dignity. Maker's breath that woman annoyed me.

Shortly, a woman entered. She was a tiny elf woman with the most startlingly green eyes I'd ever seen. Her pale blond hair was cropped short and tied off in small sections. She was closer in age to Woolsey I guessed. To my horror, she knelt.

"Arlessa Ethelfleda. I am Trini." I cringed, both at the use of the arlessa title and my full name. I stood up so quickly I knocked my chair over. I hurried to her and pulled up at her elbows, getting her to stand.

"No, no, please don't kneel. And call me Eth, please. I don't much care for titles and as for my given name, well, I prefer Eth."

She stood up, looking unsure. I gestured to a chair and then sat behind my desk. She sat down, folding her delicate hands in her lap. "Ok, so I guess I'm supposed to interview you. I'll be honest. I'm not one for titles, ceremony, or any of that sort of thing. I have no idea what questions I'm supposed to ask because I don't know what I'd do with you in the first place."

Trini smiled, sweet and serious at the same time. "I've been a personal maid in the Bannorn and I excel at dressing hair." I felt self-conscious about my hair. I resisted the urge to run my hands over it to make sure it wasn't sticking up. It was in it's usual braid down my back, but sometimes it got a little messy.

"Ok, that sounds fine I guess. I've never had a personal maid." She smiled again and that was that. I don't know how many I interviewed that day, but most were hired and would start the next morning.

The whole process left me tired and I retired early after the dinner hour with a cup of tea and a book. In a cozy nightgown and robe I curled into an over stuffed chair in the corner of my room. I must have fallen asleep there because I was still there the next morning, tea half drunk and book fallen on the floor.

The pounding on the door awoke me. A guard burst in, eyes bulging in alarm. There had been a fire in the night, a fire in the Alienage.


	13. Fear, Fire, Foes

I jumped out of the chair like it was a trap. "Gather some knights and the Wardens! Get Varel and meet me in the throne room, quick!"

As fast as I could, I threw my armor on and grabbed my cloak and a few things. A squad of eight knights and my Wardens had assembled in the Throne Room. It was early. The sun's rays struggled to light the room and the braziers weren't lit. I approached Varel.

"Commander, I don't know what you hope to do. The fire will likely be put out by the time you reach Amaranthine."

"I know, Varel," I said, sighing. "But they are my people and I need to be there." He nodded. "Knights, Anders, Oghren, and Sigrun. You're with me. Justice, stay here." I had a nebulous thought. "Justice and Varel, do me a favor. Look at the Amaranthine records in my study. See who owns property in the Alienage."

With that, we set off. It was near an hour after dawn. The light was thin in the cold air, our breath coming in wispy clouds. We set a good clip towards the city, which was a four hour march away.

We made it in two.

This trip I had no eye for the majesty of the imposing entrance gate. The graceful streets and cobblestones went unnoticed. Greetings and hails from guards and citizens went unanswered. Then we gained the Alienage.

I hadn't entered it yet. A grievous oversight on my part; these were my people, too. I had the excuse of being busy with Blight vestiges and Crow threats, but those were hollow excuses. There was no majesty or grace in Amaranthine's Alienage.

It was smaller than Denerim's Alienage, and far far more dilapidated. It's one street, if it could be called that, was unpaved. I could smell the rank of standing water and open sewage. We made our way to the center. The weeping and wailing reached us before we got to the vhenadahl. Trying to make our way through the crowd, I was grabbed by an older man.

"We mourn here, _shem_. Find your amusement elsewhere." His grip was hard and I closed my hand over his gently. I could smell the fire in the air and see the still smoking ruins of a building. I turned to my knights and my Wardens.

"Men, check the site of the fire, make sure it's out. Anders, see if anyone is hurt. Oghren and Sigrun, with Anders." I turned to the elf that still gripped my arm. His dark eyes surveyed me, unsure of my intent. "I am Eth," I softly said. "Arlessa of Amaranthine and Commander of the Grey. Is there some way I can help your people?"

He let go of my arm and gestured. The people moved back, clearing space. There, beneath the massive tree, was a man. In his arms he cradled a woman. She had clearly died in the fire. Tears ran down his face, despair in his eyes. All around us, people were weeping.

I wept, too.

I knelt next to the grieving husband and cried. I cried for these poor people, so long neglected. I cried for the pain I could feel around me. Then I got angry. We Fereldans feel superior because we have no slavery. These people lived in conditions that weren't any better. They were worse, _because_ we claimed to be better. I stood, and looked to the man who had grabbed me.

He led me out of the throng of mourners. I could see my knights inspecting the fire's aftermath. The crackle of magic could be heard. He leaned against a wall near the fire sight. Folding his arms, he looked at me.

"I am Bodhi, Hahren in this Alienage. Forgive my rudeness. We aren't used to help from shems." He ran a slender hand over his iron gray hair, bound tight in a high braid.

"I'm not here to gawk, Hahren. When I heard I rushed here to see if I could help." Poking a hand out of my cloak, I gestured to the Alienage at large. "I also want to fix this. All of this. I don't want anyone living in squalor, not when I can fix it."

"Ah, a fixer. Elven charity. How quaint and noble of you."

I blushed. "No, that's not how I meant it," I said protestingly. "I make no distinction between elf and human. I'm saying that I'm the Arlessa of this city and I won't have my people living in these conditions."

"We shall see what you do. My first priority is a funeral for our dead and to help the families." He began to walk away when one of my knights hurried over.

"Commander, you need to see this." There was alarm in his eyes. Hollis, his name was, and he led us to what they had found. Bodhi followed me and what we saw made me sick to my stomach.

Saw and smelled. There were small drips of what smelled like lamp oil leading to the burned structure. Someone had set this fire deliberately. My skin felt too tight. I turned to Bodhi. "What was this?"

He looked as sick as I felt. "Two buildings, attached. One was empty and falling apart. The other was apartments." He swallowed hard. "Two families were displaced. A woman died. I need to go tend to them." He beat a hasty retreat and I didn't blame him. I swore then, with gusto, every curse word I'd ever heard.

I rubbed my forehead, heartsick after venting my anger. "Hollis, take three knights. Go to the chantry and get Mother Leanna. I'll need a pen and parchment, too. I want to place a notice on the Chanter's board." He nodded and gesturing to his comrades, left. I was trying to figure out what sort of reward to offer for information when Anders and the dwarves sidled up.

"Well, then, Commander. A dozen healed of burns. Mostly hands. I'm not sure, but I think they were trying to put the fire out with their bare hands."

"Anders, it's not funny. See those dark spots in the dirt? Lamp oil." He stared, lips pursed. He looked at me questioningly. I nodded. "Deliberately set. The most vulnerable people."

"Ah, right. Commander Eth. Champion of the weak! Rescuer of small children and rogue mages."

"Why did I conscript you again?"

"I ask that question every day," he said, laughing. Absentmindedly, he scratched Ser Pounce-a-lot under the chin. The cat, perched on Anders' shoulder, surveyed the scene and licked his whiskers. "So, then, the Crows?"

I spread my hands out helplessly. "I don't know." I sighed. "But I swear by the Maker, I will find out who did it."

"Yes, yes, then out come the pointy things. Well, in that case, I will take my fine dwarven companions with me to the Crown and Lion."

"Fine, fine. Go. I'll collect you three when it's time to head back. And behave yourselves!"

"Heh, sparkle fingers. The first sensible suggestion to come out of those girlie lips of yours." Oghren tugged the ends of his mustache, eyes alight at the prospect of a liquid lunch.

"Oghren! You wound me! You weren't complaining last night." The mage smirked and the dwarf glowered. Sigrun made a strangled sound, as if she were trying either to giggle or not to giggle.

I turned to her. "You ok?" Her eyes were wide and hollow.

"Oh, Commander. These poor people. Please tell me you are going to help them."

"Absolutely, Sigrun. I wouldn't let a mabari live like this, much less a person. Go, get some lunch."

She turned to follow the men. Over her shoulder she called, "Thanks, Commander! You can always be counted on to fix things."

Of course, that's me, I thought wryly. Commander and Arlessa Ethelfleda Cousland, fixer of all that's wrong in Thedas. I should insist that ends up on the monument. Fortunately that train of thought was broken by the arrival of Mother Leanna.

Hollis handed me a pen, some parchment, and an ink bottle. I found a flatish spot of ground and wrote up my notice. _To the person or persons who have knowledge of the fire in the Alienage of Amaranthine: Commander Eth of the Grey would pay 50 sovereigns for information leading to the apprehension of the culprit._ There. Let the coward who started this fire run from that.

I pinched a corner of the paper between my fingers and waved it around to dry the ink. I turned to the priest. "Mother Leanna. Thank you for coming. Two things. I have a notice for the Chanters board. Also, there are two families here that are displaced. Can you help with housing them until I can get their home rebuilt?"

"Would that I could, Arlessa. There are still a great number of families without homes from the darkspawn attack. I have no room for more. Until the rebuilding can start in the spring, the Chantry is full."

"Oh, Maker. I guess they can come to the Keep, if they don't mind. Here, take the notice. I need to speak with Bodhi and make arrangements."

One elven family opted to squeeze in with relatives. I don't think Bodhi believed me when I told him I'd help them rebuild. I hoped that Varel and Justice had luck with figuring out who owned property in the Alienage. Someone needed a pommel to the head for letting conditions get this bad.

The other family, the one that lost their mother, would stay with the Wardens. I think the man needed to be away from the scene of his wife's death. Her murder. He had two small children, clinging to his legs and too young to understand what had happened.

With those plans in motion and my notice on the board the only thing to do was return to the Keep and wait.


	14. Collections

It was fortuitous. The cart was ready and I had an elven family that needed to get to the Keep. The father's name was Edan. His two little girls were packed into the cart, along with some salvaged and donated belongings. They were beautiful little ones with the look of their father, dark luminous eyes and brown curly hair. None of them spoke much; shock and grief were too close.

The trip back to the Keep was quiet, even the normally talkative Sigrun was silent. The only sounds were the groans of the cart wheels and the clank of armor. I looked at the fields, barren in the slanting afternoon light. I sighed and watched my breath cloud.

I hated this feeling of helplessness. I had an enemy, no ambiguity there. The problem was that I didn't know exactly who it was. Was I so untouchable that this enigmatic enemy struck out at the vulnerable? As it stood, I had no proof that the fire was the work of the Crows. But I didn't doubt it.

Such pleasant thoughts carried me into the Keep's courtyard. How long ago was it that I kissed Alistair goodbye? The Maker doesn't let mortals know the future. For good reason it seemed, how could any of us carry on with our lives if we knew what tomorrow would bring? I shook my head, trying to clear the melancholy away.

The courtyard was empty except for a pair of guards at the main doors. It was too cold for anyone else to be outside without a good reason. They eyed us with surprise from beneath the hoods of their cloaks. One ran in to alert Varel and the other helped us unload the children and their meager belongings.

Hollis took the cart and oxen to the bower and the rest of our party entered the Keep. My wardens went off in the direction of their quarters. The knights headed for the dining hall, not having eaten since first light. The children and their father stayed with me.

I intersected with Varel near the throne. He looked at the elves and likely could smell the smoke on their clothes. Hollis returned and brought their belongings in.

"Varel, I need a spare room. This is Edan and they need a place to stay for a while." I rubbed the tight spot between my eyebrows, the beginnings of a headache. "They'll likely be here until spring when the weather improves enough to repair their home."

Edan's head lifted, his dark eyes regarding me. "My lady, we have no money to repair our home. We'll stay only long enough to find a more permanent home."

"I had intended on going to the Alienage anyway. My objective was to see if any repairs were needed, so worrying about paying for repairs isn't an issue."

Without looking at me he muttered, "My lady is too kind." I sighed. Elves were proud but had a long history of degradation.

"Edan, do you have any skills? Would you feel better to barter for room and board?"

"I am, or was, a tailor. All of my supplies burned."

"Perfect. After Varel shows you to your room, make a list of the supplies you need. Mistress Woolsey has been after me to have some decent dresses made and I'm sure there are other things needed, cloaks and such. Will that suit?"

He brightened. "Yes! Thank you my lady." He nudged his daughters forward. "Marnina, Adsila, say thank you to the Arlessa." Two sleepy little voices thanked me. I smiled at them and nodded. Varel led them away.

I stood in the throne room, looking up at Bob. Not the prettiest of decorations, but I was fond of the bleached skull. It had been a hard fight to kill that dragon. I had never liked hunting trophies, but I understood, now.

The headache that had threatened earlier blossomed behind my eyes. I rubbed my temples. "So, Bob, where does this need to fix everything come from?" There was no answer from the dragon. Varel stepped out of the shadows, startling me.

"I don't think he has an answer, Commander." He gave me a wry smile. "What happened at the Alienage today?"

"Oh, Varel, it was terrible. The conditions are horrible. And the fire." I grabbed his arm. "Varel, it was set deliberately." He patted my arm and I sighed.

"Justice and I have found some good news for you." He tucked my hand into the crook of his arm and led me out of the throne room. "Oh, and Valenna returned today. She has letters for you, and a potential recruit, too." His mouth quirked. "She's been pacing your study, waiting for you."

We walked through the maze of hallways to my private quarters. "Really? What's she like?"

"You'll see her shortly, Commander. An Alienage elf from Denerim." His mouth quirked again and I became suspicious. I narrowed my eyes at him. He laughed. "Don't worry, Commander. I think she'll be a fine addition to the Keep." I wasn't mollified, but we had reached my study. He opened the door and led me through.

Varel and Justice had brought in a long table. It was piled high with scrolls and books. I hoped they had had success. For sure, someone owned Alienage property and I wanted to know who it was. If it was elves, good, they would be given money for repairs. If it was a human, well, in that case, someone needed to explain themselves. That level of decay was unacceptable.

Someone else was at the table with Justice. He didn't have many facial expressions but he was managing to look pained. This must be the elf Varel was telling me about. Without warning, she jumped up, knocking her chair over, and ran to me.

"Oh, my gosh! Holy Maker and Sweet Andraste! It's you!" She fairly vibrated with suppressed excitement. Grabbing my hand, she pumped it up and down. My teeth rattled in my head.

"Varel?" That insufferable man just smirked. "You must be the elf that Valenna brought, yes? What is your name?"

"Oh, my gosh! I'm so sorry! My name is Fern." Thankfully she let go of my hand and knelt. I hauled her to her feet and this strange woman giggled.

"I am Eth, Commander of the Grey. Welcome to Vigil's Keep. Why did Valenna bring you?"

She giggled again. "I think she brought me to stop me from asking so many questions. I want to join the Wardens!"

"Uh huh. Do you have any skills?" This was beginning to look like a prank on Valenna's part. Punishment, perhaps, for sending her to the Denerim Alienage.

"Well, Shianni was teaching me how to shoot a bow. She said was a natural! And that I should practice alone." Of course, I thought wryly. I knew Shianni. I couldn't imagine her tolerating giggling for very long.

"But you've never fought, not really, right?" She nodded enthusiastically, her ponytail bobbing. I sighed. Maker curse me for this helpful streak. "Fine. I won't put you through the Joining just yet, not for a long time. You can start out squiring and learning how to shoot. Sound good? Did Varel give you quarters?"

"Oh, thank the Maker!" She pumped my hand again. "You are the best, Commander Eth! Say, what does Eth stand for? Is it something horribly embarrassing?" I nodded to Varel who mercifully led her out. She was still peppering any listening ear with questions. "Do I get my own quarters? In the Alienage..."

I took a chair across from Justice, plopping myself down with a sigh. Fern was a whirlwind of energy. I grinned to myself thinking how Justice and Varel had fared, dealing with her all day. Varel reentered and gave me a wry smile as he sat across the table.

"It's a good thing that the Keep is large, Commander. With the way you collect strays we'd be full in no time."

"Ha ha, Varel. So funny. Anyway, did you two find anything useful? About who owns property in the Alienage?"

"It's interesting. There are properties that belonged to Bann Esmerelle, but a few don't seem to belong to anyone."

"And since she's dead and had no heir?"

"The property reverts to the Arling and therefore, you." He steepled his fingertips together and looked at me over them. "Commander, you can't save everyone."

"I know that. Maker, I know! But where I can help, do some good, I will." I glanced at Justice, who had remained silent. "No word from you? Nothing about atonement? Penance for thousands of years of being an oppressor? Hm?"

He stared at the table. "Commander Ethelfleda." I cringed at the use of my full name, but let it go. It was a losing battle with him. "The hold I have on this body is weakening."

"Ok, Justice. Go and get some rest." He left, leaving me alone with Varel. "Busy day." He nodded. "So, Fern? What on Thedas was Valenna thinking? She's just a child!"

He laughed. "That she is, Commander. But I think she'll do well enough." Trini entered, carrying a tray. "Ah, here is some tea."

I raised my brows at her. "I wasn't aware you'd started, Trini."

"There was no reason for me not to start, my lady." She sat the tray down and poured two cups of tea. Handing me a cup she said, "Here is some bread and soup. I believe you have not eaten this day."

"Thank you, Trini. But you must call me Eth. I'm not a big one for ceremony."

"Of course, my lady."

"I'm going to loose this battle, too, aren't I." She inclined her head in agreement. I sighed, rubbing my head and watching her set out the meal. It smelled delicious and the scent awakened the hunger that had been dormant all day.

"Eat, Commander. We can deal with what needs to be done tomorrow. Before I go, Valenna brought you two letters."

I snatched them out of his hand. I recognized Alistair's inelegant handwriting, the other writing I hadn't seen before. Ah, finally. A reply from Master Ignacio.


	15. This and That

My intention was to leave as early the next morning as I could. Then again, I knew what they said about the best laid plans. It just wasn't possible to leave before the afternoon. Curse my inability to delegate.

I was woken at first light by Trini. She was a model of efficiency as she opened the drapes and rekindled the fire. She also had a tray of tea and breakfast food; biscuits, dried fruit and the like. I sat up and watched her, feeling strange.

I could get used to this.

Or could I? I'm not sure that I was entirely willing to give up a portion of my privacy for luxury. Still, perhaps I could give it a chance before I made any final decisions.

"Good morning, Trini. How are you?"

"I am fine, my lady. Varel wanted you to know that an elven messenger arrived this morning from the Alienage. The funeral is set for tomorrow."

"Oh, ok. Anything else?"

Something like the shadow of a smile ghosted around her lips. "That is supposed to be my question. If that will be all?"

"Yes, Trini. Thank you."

After she left, I ate and pondered the letter from Master Ignacio, the Crow in Denerim.

_To the Grey Warden Commander Eth:_

_I answer your missive in appreciation for past favors. In so far as I know, no associates of mine, either here or in my home country, have any interest in any Grey Warden. My cousin, Cesar, might have known more, but alas, he did not survive past troubles. Sometimes it happens that certain groups in my home country will go to ground and not follow by the usual rules. My ear is to the ground in your service. If any news is to be heard, you will hear from me._

_Yours, _

_Master Ignacio_

Well and so. I hadn't expected much from that quarter. It would have been nice, but oh, well. Of much more interest was Alistair's letter. It seemed that Chancellor Eamon had brokered a treaty between Ferelden and Orlais, continuing King Cailan's dream of uniting the countries. The treaty would be sealed by a political marriage. Alistair's.

Oh, the fickle whims of women. Of me, specifically. Hadn't I told him I was ok with it? How I lied. This hurt, much more than I had anticipated. Still, it was in the best interest of the country.

The rest of the letter was the typical sort that one sends to their lover, complete with the most abysmal poetry I'd ever had the misfortune to read.

_My love for you improves with years, like cheese_

_Only it smells better_

_And you smell better._

_My Royal heart beats only for you_

_Your skin smells sweetly of honey dew_

_Darkspawn blood is the grosses_

_But you smell as good as a million roses_

It went on in much the same theme. It was sweet, really, and a little awkward. Much like the sender. Sweet Andraste but I missed the man. I was still in a reverie when Trini returned for the tray.

"My lady, shall I lay clothes out for you? My lady?"

"What? Oh, hello Trini. Did you need something?"

"Did you want me to lay out clothes for you?" 

"Maker, no! I can do that." She frowned slightly. "It's nothing to do with you, I've never had a personal maid before." The frown smoothed. She gathered the breakfast tray and left.

My mother never had a personal maid. I can see now why. Not only was it a preference to doing for herself, it was an issue of solitude. I pulled a dress over my head and put some boots on. I would have to learn to live with it, I suppose. Making sure people had jobs would help Amaranthine's economy.

I exited my room and found Varel waiting in my study. He was at ease, poking at the fire. The long table was there, still littered with books and maps.

"Good morning, Varel. I trust all is well?"

"Yes, good morning, Commander. Indeed all is well. We received a messenger early to say that Edan's wife's funeral would be tomorrow. Were you planning on attending?"

"Oh, Maker blast it. I would like to, Varel, but I really wanted to be on my way to get Nathaniel."

"Of course, Commander, I understand. On that note, Edan and his daughters were installed and seem to have settled in fine. Edan gave me a list of supplies."

"He did, good. Make sure they get purchased. In fact, I'll talk to him to make sure he's requested things for himself. They don't have much more than the clothes on their backs."

"I can speak with him if you'd like. I'm your seneschal after all."

I sighed and rubbed my temples. "I know, Varel, but it's something I feel I have to do, especially since I won't make the funeral."

"Did you know her?" 

I shook my head. "No, but as Arlessa, I feel it's my duty to go to things like this." Varel smiled and shook his head.

"Commander, you spread yourself too thin. But as you wish."

We left my study and he showed me Edan's rooms. One day I would have to have a map made of the Keep. The main structure was ancient and it had been added to over the centuries without thought to plans. Varel left me and I knocked on Edan's door.

The door opened to Edan's surprised face. He took a step back, nearly colliding with the children. "My lady! We didn't expect you. Is something wrong?" He shooed the children further into the room. "Is this about my list of supplies? I hope I wasn't too demanding."

I followed him into the room. "No, I haven't actually seen it. I just wanted to check on you and the girls. Is everything ok? Is there anything else you need? Did you requisition cloth for yourselves?"

"Oh, no. I ordered the basics for what the Keep may need and some cloth suitable for nice dresses."

"Edan, you and the children are under my roof. Order what you need, alright? Also, your wife's funeral is tomorrow. I will make sure you have an escort."

He bowed and acquiesced, so I left. Nothing to do then but prepare for the journey to Highever. Poor Nathaniel. I hoped he was healing and wasn't too angry at being left there too long.

Ceylon, Saga, and Neaira helped with the poem


	16. Back Again

We left early the next morning. I guided the oxen and Anders walked on my left. In the interest of speed, Sigrun and Oghren rode in the cart. Oghren was passed out on the pile of pillows and blankets we had brought for Nathaniel. Sigrun was bouncing from side to side, enjoying her ride and trying to take in all of the scenery.

Not that there was much to see. The land was mostly empty, the fields harvested, and the trees bare. I supposed that it was still different enough from the dwarven city. Her enthusiasm for life reminded me of Oren. It was a sweet memory, one of the first times I'd thought of him without wanting to weep.

"...Commander?" My head snapped left to see Anders smirking at me. "Whatever is it you're thinking of? Your thoughts dance quite prettily across your face."

"Anders, you are a pain. I'm just thinking, that's all." He continued to smirk, so I shoved him. All he did was laugh, even though Pounce gracefully leapt off of his shoulder. The insufferable cat curled up against Sigrun while managing to give me a dirty look.

"Resorting to making faces at cats? Really, Commander." He took a deep breath and spread his arms out. "Look around you! It might be just empty fields to you, my lovely Commander, but to me, it's a wonder."

"What are you talking about?"

"Freedom, my dear. Each time I escaped the Circle, I wasn't able to take in the view. Too busy hiding by day, avoiding Templars by night. That doesn't leave much time for sightseeing. And I so enjoy... sights," he finished, wagging his eyebrows at me.

"You're incorrigible, Anders."

"Me? Not I, dear lady. After all, I'm not the one who bedded the king." I laughed. He made it sound like I was the only woman in history to ever sleep with a king. I knew for sure I wasn't the only one in the history of the Theirin line. If the stories of King Maric and King Cailan were to be believed, it wasn't even old history.

I snorted. "I'm not going to gossip with you, if that's what you're angling for."

"No, not gossip. I'm just happy to be free." He opened his arms. "You don't get glorious mornings like this in the tower, you know."

"Hm, you don't say." All those sealed windows. It's a wonder no one suffocated on dust and lyrium fumes.

"It was all oppression this, mana drain that. Do you know where solitary confinement is?"

"No, I never noticed it on my two whole trips to the Tower."

"It's in the basement. And basements in places like that are not nice."

"Basements in most old buildings aren't. Remember the charm of the Keep's basement?"

"Ha, yes. Charming all the way to the Deep Roads. No, the Templars have a special room down there. It's cozy, complete with cages and wards against magic. I had to escape without using any magic at all."

"That's... actually, I'm impressed, Anders. I didn't know that you had those skills."

"Dear lady, you have no idea what other skills I possess." That insufferable man actually winked at me. I laughed, happy to be alive. He eyed me. "This is a nice change, Commander. You should smile and laugh more often."

Ah, the urge to make a face at him was strong. But he was right. I moped far too often. Fretfull Eth was one of the many nicknames my father had for me. It was in my nature, I suppose. It was hard to fret on a day like this. Good friends under the big sky. I was determined to enjoy it.

"So how did you escape if you didn't use magic?"

"Ah, trade secrets. If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"You could certainly try, Anders, but I don't recommend it. You'd end up with a case of dead."

"You'd really kill me? I'd think that I was too handsome to kill." He winked again and I rolled my eyes.

"Handsome, yes. Also annoying. Why didn't they make you Tranquil?"

"You can't Tranquilize a Harrowed mage, my dear. I don't know the mechanics of it, but it just can't be done. Lucky me! Also lucky that it never occurred to them to just hang me."

"Clearly you're too handsome." He laughed and linked his arm in mine. We walked in companionable silence while Sigrun dozed off. Pounce was curled between the dwarves, taking up most of the space. Anders nudged me, nodding his head towards them.

"What's going on between those two I wonder."

I laughed. "Not much. I think it's more of a way to annoy Velanna. I can't imagine anyone willingly sharing a bed with him without good reason." To punctuate my point, Oghren farted. A highly offended Pounce leaped back onto Anders' shoulder.

"Ah, yes. Well then, should we stop for lunch or keep walking?"

I fluttered my eyelashes at him. "Why Anders, I do believe that though I am but a frail woman, I can walk and eat at the same time."

He threw his head back and laughed. "Frail woman my foot. Onward then."

It was late afternoon when we reached Highever Castle. The sun was going down and the air was chilly. I huddled in my cloak as I saw to the stowing of the cart and the housing of the oxen. Sigrun was all eyes as she looked around. Oghren simply grumbled at being evicted from his comfortable bed.

I entered the hall, looking about. Fergus was there, meeting with someone. His face lit up upon seeing me and he dismissed the man. He raced over to me and enveloped me in a big hug.

"Well, little sister! You have returned. Missing your Warden, hm?" He held me back and looked me over, then hugged me again.

Sigrun giggled and I disentangled myself from Fergus' arms. "Fergus, I mean, Teyrn Fergus, these are some of the other Wardens. Sigrun. Oghren, who you've met, and Anders." Fergus shook their hands and clapped them on the back.

"They must all call me Fergus."

"Don't give them liberties, Fergus. They'll take advantage, especially the mage. And her, don't let that cute smile fool you. She'll pickpocket you and rob you blind."

"Clearly you aren't hard enough on them, Eth." Out of the corner of his mouth he said to them, "Don't let her ride you too hard. I know how mean she is."

"_Fergus_!"

"This is interesting, is it not? Seeing our Commander and Arlessa as someone's little sister." Anders smirked and looked very pleased with himself.

"Come now. I'll show you to your rooms. And Eth? We need to talk about Nathaniel."


	17. Landed

I followed Fergus to the living quarters. He seemed in good spirits, so I wasn't worried that something dreadful had happened to Nathaniel. He showed my Wardens to their rooms.

"I apologize that you all will have to share. There are only so many rooms that are habitable."

"I'm sure it's fine, Fergus. I'm anxious to see Nathaniel, so if you'd stop being so pokey?" He grinned at me, so I left them behind and hurried to my old room. I knocked on the door.

"Yes, yes, I'm here." Nathaniel sounded impatient, and more importantly, in less pain. I entered. "Maker's breath, Eth! I'm rescued at last."

I smothered a laugh. He was propped up with a ridiculous amount of pillows. There was a blanket thrown over him that looked like it had been knitted by Wynne. All it was lacking was puppies. He looked much better, if uncomfortable.

"Nathaniel! I'm so sorry that it took me so long to get back. Anders is here!"

He rolled his eyes. "If he could just heal me with a minimum of speaking, I would appreciate it. I would also really like to go home."

"I'm not sure you could get him to stop talking, Nathaniel. It seems to be a character flaw."

"Character flaw. Huh. You could call it that."

"At least you seem to be well taken care of." I grinned and looked pointedly at the blanket. He grimaced and shook his head. "What, no stuffed animals? Maybe I should find you some paper and a pencil. Drawing would help pass the time, no?"

"I'd hate you if I weren't so happy to see you." His normally stoic face broke into a grin and he tried to sit up further.

"Oh, no you don't. Not until Anders has had a chance to see you. Don't give me that look. You still can't walk, can you." I sat down on his good side. I pulled the blanket off and removed a few pillows. "Better?"

"Much. Thank you." He patted my hand. "It's good to see you, Eth."

"I'm sorry it took so long to get here. I wanted to come myself and I kept having issues." I filled him in on all that happened in his absence. His eyes grew wide.

"I don't even know what to say. I thought you said the Crows were done with you?"

"I thought so, too. Clearly something has changed."

"Well, you do know how to make friends... and enemies." I glared at him and he patted my hand. "It's the Crows who need to worry, Eth, not you. Though if I know you, you'll worry anyway."

He squeezed my hand as Anders waltzed in. "Oh, look at the cozy pair. Plotting mayhem? Scoot, missy, so I can get my hands on the patient." Smirking, Anders began to unwind the linen strips that held the splinted leg in place. Nathaniel grimaced as Anders' fingers got closer to the break. Anders frowned as his fingers found the break. "Hm. Seems to be a significant injury. I can heal it, of course, but do try not to throw yourself in front of any qunari mauls, yes?"

The room got even warmer as blue light from Anders hands arced into Nathaniel's leg. Anders hummed to himself as Nathaniel sank back into the pillows. With a sigh, his eyes closed as the pain abated. Anders brushed his hands off and nodded to himself.

"That'll do it. Stay off of it for at least a week and you should be good new. Or good as before." Anders tossed the blanket back over the leg. "It seems that our intrepid rogue has fallen asleep. It's good for him." He held out his hand. "Come, beloved Commander. The Teyrn said something about dinner."

I rubbed my eyes and took his hand. Healing magic always made me feel sleepy. We met up with the others in the dining hall.

"Ah, Eth. Here you are. I trust you found Nathaniel well taken care of?" His grin was positively offensive.

"You know, Fergus, I'm surprised I didn't find him surrounded by stuffed animals. Keeping them all for yourself?" He threw his head back and laughed.

"Kaitlyn has been caring for him. He's really unhappy at being unable to get up. If you had taken much longer I think he would have crawled back."

I told him of the events that kept me away. He let out a low whistle and shook his head. "You do know how to find trouble, Eth. I hope you realize that you can't save everyone."

"So people keep telling me. I can't help it, Fergus, I really can't. I spent the better part of two years trying to defeat the Blight, save Ferelden, and Thedas by extension. I can't just turn that off." I poked my spoon through my soup. "What do the heroes do in stories when their grand adventures are done," I asked glumly.

"Oh, Eth. I know it's hard for you. You've graduated from rescuing birds with broken wings to people."

I tried to smile. Maker, I was tired. "Perhaps I'll look into delegating." Oghren and Anders snorted into their soup. "And I see that I have the support of my Wardens." They both grinned, unrepentant. I sighed. "Who is taking Nathaniel his dinner?"

"Usually Kaitlyn does, or Bevin. Why?"

"I'd like to do it. After you tell me what you wanted to talk about."

"Of course. You were there, Eth. He saved my life. I'd like to do something for him. Not a stupid medal... Do you remember that hunting lodge? The one near the border between Highever's lands and Amaranthine? I thought I could give it to him. The lodge and some land."

"Hm, that's a good idea. That lodge is huge, more like a manor house. I could also cede to him some of Amaranthine's lands. Give him a nice chunk of property that's his own. Wonderful idea, Fergus!"

"Yes, and I thought of it all by myself." He grinned at me. "I'll have the deed drawn up and I can present it to him in the morning."

"Good good. I'll have the deed drawn up to the Amaranthine side when we get home. Oh, is that Bevin with a tray for Nathaniel? I'll take that."

"Before you go, I want to tell you something else. I intend on having a statue of Nathaniel made. I'll put it at the entrance to the castle."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Fergus, really? Isn't that a bit much?"

"Eth, compare him to his... his father. No, it's not."

I made my way back to Nathaniel. He was waking up as I entered. Pushing himself upright, he watched me set down the tray. "Smells good." I smiled at him and handed him a bowl of soup. I grabbed a chair and sat down.

"So Anders has given the ok to move you. We can leave day after tomorrow." He nodded. "Oh, and something else. Fergus and I are grateful that you saved his life." He made a dismissive noise. "No, really. He was unarmed and unarmored. You took a qunari maul to the leg and never stopped fighting."

"I did what I thought was right, Eth. I don't want praise for it." I shook my head.

"No, Nathaniel. It's more than that. He's the only family I have left." Maybe this wasn't the time to tell him of the rewards, especially the statue. Maker, that will go over like a load of rocks. It could wait until we were back at the Keep.

"I understand. Delilah is all I have left." He handed me his empty soup bowl and I handed him the plate of meat and potatoes. I watched him eat with a good appetite.

I took a deep breath and charged ahead. "So, um, about the saving Fergus thing. We want to honor you. Don't argue, please. Do you remember the hunting lodge our parents used to use?" He nodded, brows drawing together. "Fergus is giving it to you." His fork dropped, clattering on his plate. "I know it seems like a lot, but it doesn't feel like it from our end." I paused, letting him absorb the information.

His mouth quirked at the corner. "You look so earnest, Eth. Like you used to when you were a child, talking your way out of a punishment." He picked his fork up. "Alright. I won't fight both you and Fergus. Maker's breath!" He shook his head. "You two are formidable when your minds are made up."

We left two days later with two extra party members. Bevin clung to his sister for a moment, then with shoulders squared and head held high, joined our band. Nathaniel was tucked in and propped up, looking glum. Anders and Oghren bickered good naturedly. Sigrun was chatting with the knights, probably nicking whatever they had on them.

Fergus hugged me tightly. "Be well, little sister. I don't want any reports of bandit attacks or rogue bands of Crows. I know you can handle yourself, I just worry." He kissed my forehead and released me.

"I'll be fine, Fergus. Really! You once accused me of being as bad as Mother, but I think you're the one who's bad. I'll write, ok?"

"Ok then. Take care!"

I turned to Kaitlyn. "Bevin will be fine with us. He'll learn to handle weapons and I'll make a knight of him."

She gave me a shy hug. "Thank you, Warden. For everything."

With waves of farewell and shouts of well wishes, we left. It was an uneventful trip back, save for Bevin's insatiable questions.

What I didn't expect was what waited us back at the Keep.

* * *

Author here. Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews, adds, and favorites. It all makes me ridiculously excited. Ok, so I'm a simple person. And on a personal note, school just started for my kids. Updates might stretch out a bit as they settle in. My oldest is special needs, so the beginning of the school year can get busy with the new teachers needing to know what's what, meetings, therapists, etc. So hang in there! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.


	18. Changes

Justice was dead.

To be fair, he occupied a body that had been dead before he inhabited it. Still, the spirit no longer occupied the body. There had apparently been some communication between the spirit and Kristoff's wife, Aura. I didn't know that.

Varel had made the decision, in my absence, to cremate the body and send the ashes to her. A reanimated corpse smelled terrible and from what Varel told me, it was even worse when Justice left. I wondered where he had gone. Did he die? Go back to the Fade? Or, Maker forbid, was he still hanging around the Keep? The thought made me shudder. But we would never know.

Bevin, for once at a loss for words, was handed off to Garevel. Nathaniel was tucked away in his room. Anders went with him for more healing. The look of long suffering patience on Nathaniel's face made me smile.

"Poor Nathaniel," Varel said. "I don't know what's worse, his injury or that smug look on Anders' face." I laughed. It was true, Anders looked more pleased than he had a right to.

"He'll survive, both the injury and the healing. Ah, but it's good to be back. Anything going on besides the Justice thing?"

"For a mercy, it's been quiet. Some cloth arrived from Amaranthine. Edan is at work as we speak. I told him to take time after the funeral, but he wouldn't. Seems to think that he really does have to earn his keep."

"Poor man. I'll talk to him. I put up with Oghren, after all. Edan doesn't need to work so soon."

"That's all, Commander. Oh, you might want to find Valenna. She's been stomping around for days."

"Ok, Varel. Thanks."

I wandered off. Valenna, Edan, then Nathaniel. I found her raging around the library. She whirled around at my greeting and advanced on me. I was rather reminded of the archdemon. I refrained from telling her of this comparison. She was nasty enough on a good day.

"By the Creators! There you are. You were gone long enough."

"Yes, hello to you, too, Valenna. Varel mentioned you were out of sorts?"

"I am, Commander. I am leaving. The Keep. The Wardens."

"Really, Valenna. What prompted this?"

"It's my sister. I need to see if there's any trace of her. Oh, I know that the chances are slim, especially since you killed the Architect." She glared at me. The decision to kill him hadn't been an easy one and she was particularly unhappy about it. I waited for her to continue.

Instead, she paced. She tapped on books and shifted papers. Finally, she turned to me. "I want to go look. I don't know what I hope to find, but I can't stay here."

"Which do you want more? To look for her or to leave?"

"What? Are you saying I don't know my own mind? I assure you, Commander, I know what I want."

"Fine, do what you want." I wouldn't miss her, but I didn't want to turn her out, either. "You'll always have a place here, should you want it. Check with Mistress Woolsey for your pay. Good luck Valenna."

She left and I went in search of Edan. I wondered where exactly she would go. I was pretty sure that the Dalish didn't want her. The chances of finding her sister were non existent. Mentally, I shrugged. Valenna was no longer my problem.

I found Edan hemming. The cloth was beautiful, deep cobalt blue. He smiled at me. In awe, I touched it. The bolt was fine combed wool that had a satin feel to it. It was truly beautiful.

"Oh, Edan! It's beautiful. What are you making with it?"

"Cloaks for your silver knights, my lady." He shook out the cloak and held it up. It almost shimmered. His little girls were there, too, working. One was actually embroidering scroll work around the edges in silver. The other one was sorting thread.

"Wow," I said, pointing at the embroidery. "My mother tried to teach me but I could never sit still long enough."

"Yes, I am very proud of Marnina's skill. Soon it will be time to teach Adsila, won't it love." The little girl looked up at her father and grinned.

"Papa," she giggled. Marnina giggled, too. They were a charming pair.

"Well, don't work too hard. Let me know if you need anything else." Oh, right. Delegate. "Or Mistress Woolsey." I pinched Adsila on her chubby cheek, earning more giggles from the girls. I waved farewell and sought out Nathaniel.

I needed to tell him about Fern.

Turns out, she told him herself. I found her perched on the foot of his bed. His eyes were wide as he tried to follow her words. I grinned.

"Ah, Fern. Here you are."

"Oh, Commander! Hello! I was just telling Ser Nathaniel that I am learning how to shoot! Do you think he'll teach me? I practice lots and lots and I think I'm getting really good and Hollis said..."

Maker the child could talk! "Breathe, Fern. Yes, I'm sure that Nathaniel will be happy to teach you, and anyone else who wants to learn. Right now, however, he's recovering from an injury and needs rest."

I ushered her out of the room and quickly shut the door before she could ask anything else. Nathaniel was staring at the ceiling. "Eth. I begin to question your judgment. Who was that?"

"That's Fern. She's from Denerim's Alienage."

"She's a bit much, isn't she." He closed his eyes and pressed his hands into his temples.

"And I'm to train her in the bow?"

"Um, yes." I pulled the lone chair up to his bed and sat. "Unless you have a strong objection."

"No, no. It's fine. I wonder if I can convince her that a vow of silence is necessary."

I laughed. "It's worth a try."

He turned his head toward me. "Anders says I can begin taking short walks tomorrow. Ease the leg back into use. He offered his arm to lean on."

"Oh, I'm sure you appreciated that. I'll walk with you, Nathaniel, if you'd like."

"My thanks."

"Do you really not like him?"

"Anders? I like him just fine. However, if he knew that, he'd be more insufferable than he is now."

"Ah." He smiled at me and I felt an answering smile tug at my lips. "So."

"Yes. So." He took my hand and kissed the palm. It sent a shiver down my spine. I hoped he didn't notice, but Nathaniel is nothing if not observant. He raised his eyebrows, but said nothing. I took my leave.

Varel found me at my desk. I wrote to my brother, as promised. I was also drafting a letter to Irving at the Circle Tower. From my experience with him and Wynne's recollections, he seemed to be a kind man. I wasn't afraid of mages, nor did I think they were one bad day away from an abomination. If he had mages who wanted to serve in the Wardens, I would welcome them.

I was preparing to write a letter to King Harrowmont for possible dwarven recruits when Varel burst in. I looked up, surprised. He wasn't one to get agitated.

"Commander, there's news from the Chantry. The city watch in Amaranthine has someone in custody. Someone they think set that fire."


	19. The Rat

I jumped up so fast that I knocked my chair over. "Ok, good! Who's available for a trip to Amaranthine? I'll drag him back by his ear and then..."

"Commander, the watch is bringing him here. Calm down."

I raked my hands through my hair. "You could have led with that, Varel." I set my chair upright and sat back down. He took a seat and eyed me warily. "For Andraste's sake, Varel. I'm not about to set up the gallows. Not until I've had a chance to 'chat' with him anyway." He chuckled and shook his head.

"The messenger was only an hour ahead of them, so you'll get your opportunity soon." I nodded with grim satisfaction. It was a good step in the right direction. "You'd really run to Amaranthine after the dinner hour?"

"You need to ask?" He shook his head and left, promising to return when the watch arrived. I forced myself to relax and finished the letter to King Harrowmont. When it was completed, I sealed the letter, pressing the seal of the Wardens in the hot wax. I was reaching for a fresh sheet of parchment when the captain of the watch entered.

"Ah, Constable Aidan. What news?"

"Good evening, Commander. Your seneschal, Varel? He had us leave the man under guard in the dungeon." I winced at the word. I'd had enough of dungeons in Fort Drakon. I had a complimentary set of whip scars on my back as a souvenir.

"Ok, so you have the person you think is responsible for the fire?" He nodded. "Just the one?"

"As far as we can tell, he was alone in his actions."

I sighed and sat back. "Did you mistreat him?"

"No, Commander! What we know of your history and what we saw from you when the Alienage burned, no, we didn't think you'd approve. Not that we were gentle, but no, he wasn't tortured."

"Thank you, Constable. I appreciate it. Who gets the reward?"

"That would be an elven dock worker. He noticed the man trying to book passage on a ship leaving Amaranthine."

"Ok, but why did he think that this was the man who set the fire?"

"He was practically begging for passage. There aren't any passenger ships at the moment, so he was asking merchant ships for space. He also has a singed face. Doesn't even have eyebrows."

Hm, yes. This sounded promising. Someone with a singed face desperate to get out of town? Yes, I needed to talk to this man.

"Excellent news, Constable. I'll go see this man now. Are you and your men returning? Or do you need to bunk here for the night?"

"It's late, Commander. We'll stay, if that's ok with you."

"Of course. I'll let Varel know. Oh, what's this man's name?"

"You'll laugh." I raised my eyebrows. "He says his name is Severio Silvio." I rolled my eyes. Either it was a false name or he's suffered under that name for his whole life.

"Wow, that's a name. I thought mine was bad. Ok, then. On to the dungeon."

The dungeon wasn't dank, but it felt like it should be. Flanked by Varel and Garevel, I confronted Severio. He was sitting in a corner and it looked like he was trying to make himself seem smaller. Constable Aidan was right, he had no facial hair, not even eyebrows. His face was red and peeling.

I took a deep breath. I could master my anger and confront him. I would get information and I would not loose my temper.

"You there." His head shot up and his eyes widened. "I'm told that you are the one who set the fire. By your appearance, I'd say that's accurate." Another deep breath. I could feel Varel and Garevel at each shoulder. Solid and grim, their full support behind me.

"So." His head dropped back down on his knees. "I want to know why you did it."

He licked his lips. They looked so dry, cracked and bleeding. "I was paid, my lady." I put my hands behind my back and gripped them together. It was a great effort to quell my temper, but loosing control wouldn't get me the information I needed.

"Alright, you were paid. Tell me who."

"I can't, my lady. It's more complicated than you realize." He licked his lips again. I grabbed a water skin from the jailor and tossed it to him. Patiently, I waited until he drank his fill. "My family lost everything because of you." He didn't sound angry, only tired. Perhaps he was at the end. The end of it all, his plots, his strength, his life.

"I don't care how complicated it is, you'll tell me everything you can."

"We lost everything. I'm the only one left." I snorted. I knew how that felt. "Between supporting Loghain and Howe... It doesn't matter now. It's the Crows. I was hired by the Crows."

"Your name seems Antivan."

"It is. My grandparents were Antivan. But the Crows. They hate you." I made a face. I gathered that. "One in particular. That's why I was hired. Pietro Zistri."

"Thank you." Varel nudged me. I turned to him.

"Commander, I know you won't like this, but you must hang this man."

"I know. I don't relish it, but I know. The fire was bad enough, but two people died. I'm sorry, Severio, but you will be hanged tomorrow."

He leaned his head back on the wall. "I expected as much. I had nothing to loose. You won't find Zistri. He's in Antiva."

"Of course." I turned to the jailor. "This man dies tomorrow. Treat him well." With that, I left, feeling sick.

As I was walking through the throne room, Varel touched my arm. "Commander, this is an ugly business. Stay strong. Your people are behind you."

"Oh, Varel, thank you." I hugged him, quick and hard. Then I fled to the sanctuary of my room. It didn't work. The luxury chaffed and I could only pace the space for so long.

So I wandered the Keep. Nathaniel was asleep, so I left him to it. He needed his rest anyway. Why did I go to him first? I don't know, only that he was a comfort. Anders' room was empty, as was Oghren's. I paused at Sigrun's door. I could hear her giggling and an answering female giggle. Huh, I thought, that's interesting. Whoever she was with, I hope they were having more fun than I was.

I wandered down to the kitchens thinking to find some booze. I was surprised to find it brightly lit and odd sounds emanating. When I entered I saw the source of one sound, Oghren snoring on some crates. The other sound was at the long preparation table. Anders was making potions.

"Oh, Anders. Hello there." He looked up and smiled. I went to the wine rack and grabbed a bottle. I held it up to him but he shook his head. Grabbing a stool, I sat at the table. I uncorked the wine and took a long swig from the bottle.

"Raised by wild animals?"

"Something like that. Listen, Anders. That man in the dungeon?" He paused. "He's going to be hanged tomorrow morning."

"Ah. Well, you can't save them all."

"I know. Doesn't stop me from trying." I took another long pull from the bottle. "So I will get drunk instead."

"If you are going to sit there and get drunk, you can at least help me." He handed me a bushel of dried elfroot. He put a large bowl and tray in front of me. After instructing me to separate the stems from the leaves, he went back to his mortar and pestle.

I untied a bundle and braided my hair, using the twine to tie it. I started stripping the stems of leaves, pausing to drink more wine. After some time, I became aware that Anders was staring at me.

"What is it?"

"I was just wondering when the last time you brushed your hair was." I self-consciously ran my hand over my hair. He shrugged and continued grinding elfroot into powder.

"Where do you get the dried elfroot?"

"Oh, I order it from Amaranthine and dry it here. It's not hard to acquire. It's the eye of newt and toad slime that's hard to come by."

"Very funny. I hope you're joking." He smirked at me. "Where do you dry them?"

"In my room. Reminds me of laundry day at the Tower. Stockings hanging from every surface. Brings a tear to the eye, really."

"Really. Well, your favorite elven mage has left. You could use her room for drying."

"Good idea. Though I'll miss checking my hair for dried bits of greenery." He laughed and shook his head. "So tell me. Why do you feel the need to play nursemaid to the entire country?"

"Oh, I'm not that bad, am I?"

"Well, you seem to brush your hair once a week. And like your brother said, you collect stray people the way some old ladies collect cats."

I thought about it as I stacked stems on the tray. Perhaps it came down to my parents. I wanted them to be proud of me. When I meet them before the Maker I wanted to give them a good report. That their spoiled baby had made good. I told Anders this.

"Sounds reasonable, Commander mine. I'd also suggest it's survivor guilt."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, who survived that, um, night at the castle?"

I frowned and refused to meet his eyes. "You know this, Anders." I looked at the bottle of wine, which was now half empty.

"I've seen this happen when two mages who are good friends go through the Harrowing. Sometimes only one survives. Guilt at surviving when someone you care about doesn't can make people do funny things."

I froze. My hands crumbled the stems in my hands. My brain, oh that brain of mine, went to work. That explained so much. The melancholy. The need to fix everything and everyone. It wasn't just about making my parents proud. It was about proving I was worthy to have lived when they had died.

"Thank you, Anders. I really mean it. I didn't know you were so wise and insightful."

"Oh, I'm good at many things." He wiggled his eyebrows at me. "Just don't tell anyone, especially our dwarven friend over there. I do have a reputation to uphold."

"Of course. Well, this bottle of wine is now empty and I think I might be able to sleep." He patted my arm and shooed me out of his way.

In my room, I changed into a nightgown. I undid my hair and looked at the twine. Maker, my mother would have a fit. I threw it into a waste bin. One last thing before bed. I sat down and carefully brushed my hair.

* * *

Author here. Yes, it's been a hundred years since I last updated. Life intervened, I got busy. Hopefully my personal dramas have settled down. Knock on wood for me! Thank you everyone who reads, favorites me, and leaves me awesome feedback. Love you all!


	20. There And Back Again

"So you hung this man?"

I was steadying Nathaniel as we walked the Keep. I had my right arm tight around his waist and his left hand in my left. He was slow, favoring his left leg, but determined to get it working again.

"Yes. I'm not happy that I had to do it, but it's done." His hand gave mine a squeeze. "He gave me a name. I think that I'll head to Denerim as soon as I can. I have a contact there who's familiar with the Crows."

"What about our most gracious king?" We had come to the formal dining room. It was a ridiculously large room, but there were niches around the corridor leading to it. These were furnished with couches and some were even curtained. Howe didn't strike me as the orgy type, so who knows why they were there. We sat and Nathaniel propped up his leg.

"What about him?"

"Isn't he going to be visiting the Keep? With betrothed in tow?" I lifted my head and looked at him, stung.

"Nathaniel. What is that supposed to mean?" He shook his head.

"Nothing. Forget I said anything."

"Fine. Let's get you back to your room. I think I'm done walking." He sighed and we headed back.

After I had deposited him in his room, I went to find Mistress Woolsey. The talk I had with Anders the night before had cleared my head. I felt like I was waking up out of a stupor. A coil of sadness I had gotten used to unwound.

She was in her office, as she usually was. She looked up from her eternal ledgers when I entered the open door. "Ah, Commander. I was about look for you."

"Yes? Is there a problem?"

"No, I wouldn't call it a problem. Are you aware that a small village has sprung up against the Keep's walls?"

"I didn't know that. Is this an issue of some sort? Seems like we have more people than places for them to live."

"Of course. The Keep also has plenty of room as well. No, what I wanted to mention is the children. There are a lot of them and only a few adults who aren't working at the Keep. I was approached to see if we can find something for them to do."

"Hm. Well, I noticed the ballroom today. I'm not exactly planning on throwing many balls. Perhaps there is a tutor or a teacher in Amaranthine who's in need of work."

"That would suit, Commander. Will that be all?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about finances. I'm driving myself crazy managing everything down to the last detail. You know my wishes and what I would want. Except for big expenditures, I'm going to leave it to you."

Not much reaction from her, but then I didn't expect much. She merely nodded. "Of course, Commander. You'll sign the papers as usual?"

"Yes, that sounds fine. Thank you, Mistress Woolsey."

After I left her I found Varel and Garevel. More delegating. Turns out I could do this. Garevel would be in charge of all training and Varel would be in charge of minor administration. I felt a great burden lift off of my shoulders. I could concentrate on finding this Crow Master and what had happened to Zevran.

I wandered back to my study, mentally making lists of what I needed for my trip. Supplies, who to take, what condition my weapons and armor were in, my mind was occupied as I sat at my desk. So occupied that I did not hear Bevin enter.

He cleared his throat and I looked up, surprised. He seemed to have grown and looked very official in his livery. Wait, I had liveried staff? When had that happened?

"Um, yes, Commander. A letter for you." He held the letter out, an earnest smile on his face.

"Thank you Bevin. How are you getting on in your training?"

"Oh, I like it! I'm getting better, I am! I practice every day with the guards."

I smiled. Ah, the resilience of youth. I looked at the letter. It bore the official seal of the king. I smiled again, feeling slightly foolish. I sent Bevin on his way and cracked open the letter.

He was on his way to Amaranthine. In five, maybe six days, the entourage would arrive. An official state visit of king and betrothed. I sighed and reread his description of her. Amandine. She sounded sweet.

My heart ached a little at the thought of him marrying. Perhaps I should just concentrate on work. Spending time moping, well, I'd done enough of that. I tucked his letter into a drawer and went to make arrangements. I figured that if I left after midday, I could be back in time.

I poked my head into Edan's room. I wanted a dress made, a very specific dress. After I explained what I wanted and why, he smiled. Then I stopped by Wade's forge to order a very specific belt buckle. I would have to go to Antiva, and a plan was forming in my mind. These supplies would be necessary to rescue Zevran if my fears of his safety were true.

Anders, Oghren, and I left after the midday meal. Oghren wanted to visit Felsi in Denerim. Anders had decided that I needed a minder, that if he wasn't with me, someone would suffer a catastrophic injury.

"It's your own fault, Commander, really it is." Anders smirked in his self-satisfied way. "You rush in where even Andraste fears to tread. Someone has to keep you safe."

Oghren laughed and thumped me on the back. "Sparkle fingers has a point there, boss. Only you need old Oghren at your back instead of a magicker in a dress."

Maker, this was going to be a long few days. Anders just laughed and went on with his speech on how dresses, or mage robes more specifically, make trysts easier. We made good time, though, and were back within three days.

As I made my way to my rooms, I mulled over what Ignacio had told me. Pietro Zistri was a guildmaster within the Crows. He had a reputation for being unstable and blood-thirsty, even for a Crow. I was right, I would have to go to Antiva.

The Keep was quiet and I was occupied with my thoughts. I kindled a lamp in my room and prepared to go to bed. I closed my door, turned around and was startled. There, in my bed, was the snoring form of Alistair.


	21. First Impressions

I tossed my cloak over the chair and poked him. He grumbled and sat up. His face lit up when he saw it was me. I went to the armor stand and began to remove my gear.

"You know, you're lucky I'm not the nervous type, Alistair. You might have gotten a dagger to the throat otherwise." He grinned, unrepentant. "What are you doing here?"

His mother's amulet dangled on his bare chest, glinting in the candlelight. "Everyone else stopped in Amaranthine. I said I had Warden business to take care of. They'll be along tomorrow."

"Hm, Warden business," I said, as I slid in next to him. He wrapped his arms around me. "Seems like we'd best get that taken care of then."

It seemed that we had barely slept when Trini slid the curtains back. She had set a tray, with breakfast for two, on my table. I shook my head.

"Word from Amaranthine, my lady. Chancellor Eamon and the rest of the party will be here for the midday meal."

Alistair leaned over to me. "I think she spied on me. How did she know to bring breakfast for two?"

I laughed. "I'm sure you weren't quiet when you came in yesterday." I waited until Trini's back was turned to slip into a robe. I padded over to the table. "Is Varel taking care of arrangements for our guests?"

She nodded. "The midday meal will be as usual, though the guests will be served in their rooms. I believe Woolsey has arranged for a formal dinner, complete with musicians and dancing." Alistair snorted. I glared at him and he lost it, throwing his head back and howling with laughter.

"Thanks for the warning. Perhaps you could do my hair?" Alistair stopped mid guffaw to stare. I smirked at him. "Are the guest chambers prepared?"

She assured me that all preparations were in order and left. We ate in silence. He kept looking at me. Finally I blurted out, "Something wrong?"

"Well, I'm sure something is wrong somewhere."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Has my face gone green?"

"No, love. Eamon will be here soon. With my bride-to-be in tow. I can't stay in your rooms." He sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"I understand. This is going to be awkward, isn't it." He smiled ruefully. "I will be on my best behavior, Alistair. I promise."

"Warden's honor?"

"Yes. I promise. It will work out, one way or another."

Alistair reassured, I began to prepare for the day. It was nerve wracking. I found myself peering into any reflective surface. What did the Orlesian princess look like? I gave more thought in those few hours to my appearance than I normally did in a year. Just before it was time to meet the party, I sought Alistair out.

"No matter what happens today, I love you." I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. My entire heart was in that kiss and possibly my soul, too. He held me tight, not saying a word.

We reluctantly let go when Varel told us the party had been spotted. We lined up in the courtyard. My guards looked magnificent, their silverite armor gleaming in the late morning sun. We were all wearing full armor, even Nathaniel. He used a cane, but he seemed to be getting around fine on his own.

The party entered and Varel stepped forward to greet them. He was officious without grovelling, and I wondered why I hadn't given him more to do before now. Greetings made, Eamon stepped forward to introduce the princess.

"Warden Commander Ethelfleda Cousland, this is Princess Amandine of Orlais." I had no idea of the protocol of foreign relations, and I didn't really care anyway. Regardless of how many times I told him not to, he insisted on using my full first name. I bowed to her, hoping it was the right thing to do and she curtsied to me.

She looked so delicate! Pale and fine boned, she had blonde hair the color of corn that curled around her shoulders. Large blue eyes stared out from her delicate face. Her smile was another matter. Gap toothed and wide, I was hard pressed not to return that smile.

"Oh! The Hero of Ferelden! I am so pleased to meet you!" Her accent was thick and hard to follow. As Varel herded the crowd into the Keep, she linked arms with me. "We shall be friends, yes? Oh, I am so happy to be here!"

I wondered how old she was. "The Wardens welcome you. My lady," I added. She looked around, wide eyed, at the throne room. "I'm sure you are all tired. Varel will show you to your rooms."

I watched them head to the guest quarters. She wasn't what I expected. I supposed it would be easier if she hadn't been friendly. Ah, well. Mistress Woolsey cleared her throat behind me.

"A moment, Commander. Our guests will be served the midday meal in their rooms. There will be a formal dinner tonight with dancing to follow."

"So I was warned. What on Thedas were you thinking?"

"Impressions, Commander. Edan has a formal dress ready for you." She pursed her lips and looked me up and down. I held up a hand to halt further scrutiny.

"Ug, ok. I get it." I fled to my office to avoid any further "instructions". I wrote to Fergus until Trini came to help me get ready.

It was the strangest thing, bathing with someone in attendance. Well, someone other than Alistair. I tried to be quick about it until she started washing my hair. It was the most luxurious thing I'd ever experienced. Between the hot water and the scalp massage, I nearly fell asleep.

She turned her back while I dried and put my robe on. I sat on a stool, trying to be patient, while she untangled my hair. Her fingers were deft as she hummed to herself. I couldn't see what she was doing, but I felt my hair being sectioned off. I kept my head still as she gently pulled my hair this way and that.

When she finished, she helped me into the dress. It was something else. Deep plum colored velvet with a high collar. Trini laced up the back. I stared into the mirror at the results. I didn't recognize my reflection. My hair was piled high on my head in loops and braids. The dress made my skin look like cream.

Trini's reflection hovered over my shoulder. "Mistress Woolsey ordered cosmetics for you, my lady, should you wish them."

"Um, no. Don't give me that look, I get it enough from her. This is as dressed up as I'll ever get, so it will have to suit." Cosmetics? Really, what was Woolsey thinking?

"Of course, my lady. You look beautiful."

"Thank you, Trini. It's a result of your work." On impulse, I hugged her before I left for dinner. I squared my shoulders and entered the fray.


	22. And We Danced

Dinner was awkward. How not? There were undercurrents within undercurrents. My wardens were well behaved, even Oghren, which was a minor miracle. Alistair was, well, Alistair. He seemed distant, however, and that concerned me.

Eamon kept him busy, and between that and the meal, we didn't have a chance to talk until the dancing started. But something had changed. He held me at a distance, arms stiff.

"Alistair. Please, look at me, what's wrong?" He seemed to have trouble meeting my eyes. His hand on my waist was so impersonal, I might as well have been dancing with Varel.

Finally he sighed. "It's Eamon. I'm sorry love. He's been pushing so hard for this alliance. He thinks you'll mess it up."

"I'll what? Why would I do that?" I watched his eyes slide over to where Amandine was dancing with Anders. "Ah."

"She's a sweet kid, Eth. I don't want to hurt her." He sighed. "Let's just... let's just see what happens."

"I understand, Alistair. It will be ok, we'll work through this." I felt him shrug slightly. Sighing, I said, "I'll go talk to Eamon."

"That might be good." He gave my waist a squeeze. "I still love you," he whispered. I tried to smile. "Don't forget that. Eth, don't ever forget that."

I nodded and turned to find Eamon. I could still feel his hand on my waist and I missed him. I turned and caught his eye. He smiled encouragingly. I scanned the room, spotting Eamon speaking with Varel. I made my way through to him. I put my hand on his arm and he looked up.

"Chancellor Eamon, may we speak? In private?" I inclined my head and he followed to my study.

As I shut the door, he pounced. "Ah, Commander Ethelfleda." He had belligerently used my full name from the first moment he realized that Alistair and I were in love. I didn't take the bait. "You certainly clean up well. And you've done some wonderful things here at the Keep."

"Thank you. I don't want to discuss the Keep."

"Of course you don't. You want to discuss his majesty's impending marriage." He sat down, uninvited. "I won't have you ruining this. This marriage, this alliance."

"And why do you think I'd ruin it? The country needs the stability. Alistair and I... we'd never produce an heir. He at least has a chance to have children with a non warden." His heart would never fully belong to me again, I thought.

Oh, no no no. I was going to lose him. He would marry his Orlesian princess, they would have, or try to have, children. And he would tear himself apart to do the noble thing. The right thing. I raised my hands to run my fingers through my hair, but it I had forgotten about the braids. I settled for wringing my hands together and pacing.

What on Thedas had I been thinking? Oh, sure, I told him I wouldn't have a problem with him marrying. Stupid me, that meant that I had agreed to be his mistress. He had prearranged to be unfaithful to his future wife. I was complicit in this. Never mind what I had been thinking, what had _we_ been thinking?

He would never take on this side of his father, nor could I be the source of that poor girl's misery. Clearly we hadn't thought this through. Now that I've met her, no. What were we going to do now? Oh, Maker, please. I came back to myself, realizing that Eamon had been watching.

"It appears that you have worked out the difficulties for yourself. Good." He leaned back and stroked his beard smugly. "Ferelden needs this. So. The wedding is set for the solstice, in five weeks time." He paused, watching me wrestle with my internal heartbreak.

I resumed pacing while he added the worst part. "You may send representatives of the Wardens, but you yourself should remain here." He stood and patted my shoulder. "There's a good girl. I'm heading back to the party." As he exited the door he said over his shoulder, "Oh, and we wouldn't want a scene. Stay here until you're calm enough to behave."

I stood there, clenching and unclenching my fists. I started shaking, so I sat down. The tears pricked behind my eyes. I dropped my head into my hands, willing myself to breathe. I counted to ten and backwards again. Still the grit behind my eyelids threatened tears. Then I heard someone tap on the door and clear their throat.

I looked up to see Amandine standing in the doorway. My heart skipped a beat. How much had she heard, if any? I stood and bowed.

"Forgive me, my lady. Chancellor Eamon told me you were in here. May we talk?" She sat on the couch, and gestured for me to sit with her. I sat and watched her. She was so composed, cool and confident.

I took a deep breath. "Of course. What can I do for you?"

"It is so hard, yes? This marrying into a new country, forging an alliance. King Alistair is a good man, I think, and most people love him. Not all, though. You see, I know."

"I'm sorry, my lady, what do you know?" She smiled.

"I know about you and the king. Oh, there are a few who do not love your king. There are always those who will tell such tales. But I do not think it is a tale, yes? I have seen the way he looks at you. Yes, and the way you look at him." She patted my hand.

"I'm confused. Why tell me this?" As if my heart weren't hurting enough, she was actually being kind.

"I am Orlesian my dear. This thing you Fereldans have about the king always being faithful? We Orlesians are under no such illusions."

"Illusions? That's a little insulting. We aren't living in mud huts happily scratching in the dirt you know."

"Oh, I did not mean that! These language differences are tricky. I am trying to say that I do not mind if you and his majesty continue your relationship." Then she actually patted my hand again.

I was stunned. I sat there, probably looking like a bumpkin with my mouth hanging open. This wasn't a light at dawn, though. I knew myself and Alistair well enough to know that this was the end. All of our hard work to end the Blight was now directed into stabilizing the country.

I watched the party leave two days later. Alistair and I were cordial, nothing more. We didn't have a private moment after the dance. The truth of it that there was nothing to say. We both knew. After the first night of weeping I felt strangely empty. No matter. I am a Warden. I am a Cousland. And most of all, I am a Fereldan. No longer a greedy child, trying to have it all. I would carry on.


	23. Winter

It was a long winter. I obsessed over the Crow situation. I obsessed over Alistair and his marriage. I was miserable company. In a fit of childishness, I sent Oghren and Fern to the wedding. They were back, two days later. Eamon had thrown them out. Probably for getting on his nerves. I didn't care.

Our Wintersend celebration was small. We did the typical things, decorating with holly and waiting for the sun to return. Varel found a minstrel to sing during the traditional feast. Some of the guards and staff even wassailed the orchards. It was a nice time, even if my heart wasn't in it.

Afterward, the Keep settled into winter life. It was bitter cold, even for Ferelden. We were kept busy making sure everyone in Amaranthine and the budding Dalish village were provided for. It snowed in fits, keeping most indoors.

I was very happy with my decision to delegate. It took a load of worry off of my shoulders. I was no longer directly in charge of every shovel full of snow or every bowl of soup. It left me with more free time than I was used to, but also less stress.

There was plenty of time to think, which wasn't necessarily good for me. Thinking led to moping, which led to everyone avoiding me. I busied myself as best I could, with preparations for traveling to Antiva and training. I had a group of guards and warden hopefuls who all wanted to learn to wield twin daggers. They honed my skills as well as their own.

And I discovered that we had a chapel.

It shocked me. A proper chapel, buried in the labyrinth of the Keep. I asked Mistress Woolsey about it and was informed that we had received a Mother some weeks ago. Time to investigate then.

I found the chapel and entered. It was cool and dark, lit only by a few candles in niches. I sat on a back bench, just finding comfort in being in the space. I don't know how long I sat there before the priestess exited her quarters. She hummed as she lit more candles.

I stood up. "Hello there. I'm Commander of the Gray." I inclined my head. "Eth Cousland. And you are?"

She smiled. Her gray eyes twinkled in the flickering light. "So wonderful to meet you! I am Mother Tess." I smiled back. "So. Have you come here seeking solace and answers or are you just out for a stroll?"

"Perhaps a bit of each." I sat back down and she joined me. She had apple round cheeks that had a smattering of freckles. I tried to gauge her age but couldn't.

She looked at me for a long time. "You've had some storms in your life. You handled them and came out on the other side. There will always be storms in the future. How long are you going to stand around, watching the sky?"

"Oh," I said. Staring at my hands, I felt my scalp tighten. She was right. I hated her for saying it and I loved her for it. I had clung to my misery like a shield. Time to grow up. "Thank you. Your candor is bracing, but appreciated. Might I ask for the Maker's blessing?"

"Of course, child." I knelt in the aisle as she held her hand over my head. "Maker bless you, child, and watch over your travels. May the Maker's wisdom and Andraste's compassion be with you always."

I stayed kneeling as a feeling of peace washed over me. Tears pricked my eyelids as I clasped my hands together. I felt Mother Tess' hand on my head, soothing me. I took a deep breath and stood. She hugged me tightly.

"Thank you."

"I'm glad you stopped by. 'Tis a heavy burden you carry. There is no shame in seeking balm for the soul. Now, will I be seeing you at services?"

"Yes, Mother Tess. Just don't count on seeing any other wardens." I mentally ran through the roster. Sigrun might come out of curiosity, but that was probably it.

I thanked her and left. I was supposed to meet with Varel to discuss changes to the duty roster but I sought out Nathaniel instead. His leg had healed nicely, yet we were still avoiding each other. I was beginning to realize that I had acted like a fool.

I knocked on his door. When he answered, he closed his door behind him, leaning against it. He folded his arms and stared down at me.

Suddenly I didn't know what to say. "Hello. How's the leg?" I could still feel the peace of the chapel on my heart and I clung to that solace. He didn't look angry, but the tension was palpable.

"It's fine, Commander, but you knew that. What do you want?" His face never changed and his voice was cold.

"I'm sorry, Nathaniel. So sorry." I bit my lip and looked at my feet. "I've been selfish and so unfair to you." I looked back into his impassive face. "My feelings are confusing right now. Please. Give me time to sort myself out."

"If this is about taking me with you to Antiva..." His eyes narrowed as he stared down at me.

"No! I would like you to come with me, but I won't order you to." I leaned on the wall across from him. "I'm trying to figure some things out. I've been a little too... intense."

I thought I saw the corner of his mouth quirk. "I understand, Eth. Probably better than most."

"I guess you would." He reached out and squeezed my shoulder. I smiled. "Thank you."

His arms wrapped around me and held tight. I leaned against him and he set his chin on my head. I listened to his heart, beating steady. We might have stayed like that longer, but Sigrun walked by. She didn't say anything, just giggled, but it was enough.

I began to feel easier in my own skin. Life was less tense. Nathaniel and I were friendlier, our truce holding. I watched the weather. The days slowly began to get noticeably longer. It was still bitter cold but the snow stopped falling.

My palms itched to travel.

Nathaniel and I poured over the letters from Ignacio. We studied maps of Antiva City. I think that this endeavor was better planned than the fight with the archdemon. Slowly, our plans came together and we made ready to leave.

Then the day finally came. The snow was melting and flowers were poking their shoots above the soil. Spring had come to Fereldan.

* * *

A/N: Sorry to my reader for being so slow with updates. Life reared it's ugly head and I got really busy. Mother Tess is based 100% percent on my sister Tess. She's been invaluable. Valiasedai helped beta this mess of a chapter. She's awesome!


	24. Leavetaking

"Ah, smell that Commander?" Anders breathed deeply and practically twirled around. "I love Bloomingtide. With the things, you know, blooming."

Spring was firmly here, despite a few false starts. Anders and I were heading through the courtyard into the throne room. I was leaving the next day for Antiva. Waiting inside was the assembled members of Vigil's Keep, as well as a few representatives from Amaranthine. I wanted to address them before I left.

"I wonder what spring in Antiva is like?"

"Anders. The answer is no. You're staying here."

"That's really unfair, Commander." He scritched Pounce, who was perched on the mage's shoulder. "You don't know what trouble you might run into. And with just Nathaniel? You need a healer and that healer is me."

"The potential for unforeseen trouble is precisely why I'm taking just Nathaniel. I don't know what's going to happen, even with all of the information I've been able to gather. I can't risk more Wardens."

"You don't want to risk more Wardens? Now really, Commander. I don't believe that. If the threat was a broodmother, you'd happily throw us all onto the fire." He stopped before the doors and turned to face me. "Is it because you think I'll run off? Believe it or not, I'm quite content with how my life has turned out. No templars, no noose around my neck."

"You wouldn't run off, Anders. Fern owes you three sovereigns from the last time you guys played cards." He laughed. "Honestly, that isn't even a concern. If it were, well, you're a Warden. I can track you more easily than the templars could."

"I'm wounded! I've decorated my room. I'm not going anywhere. Unless you'd care to take me on your little vacation?" He clasped his hands together and looked like a child asking for a cookie before dinner.

"Anders, you are such a pain. I'll discuss it with Nathaniel. I'm not promising anything," I said, in response to his smug grin. "You'd make a better case if I didn't have to fetch you for this meeting."

He made a face and yanked the doors open. The crowd was assembled, just waiting for me. I was acutely aware that I was late to my own gathering. Not only late, but entering from the back of the room. People shifted around as I made my way to the front.

I climbed the steps on the dais and turned. The crowd was silent, waiting for me to speak. I smiled at them. These were my people and we had prospered together.

"My good people," I began. I smiled at them. "Some of you know that I am traveling to Antiva tomorrow. I hope that all of you know why. To stop the Crow attacks. I will not tolerate any threat to you, any of you, nor to our homes. We live here in peace and I aim to keep it this way."

Their faces were turned toward me. I could have wept at the loyalty I saw there. I paced in front of the throne as I spoke. "So I go to Antiva, knowing the name of the man who has caused us grief. This ends now!"

They cheered. My beloved people, loyal and true. Varel squeezed my arm and nodded. Mother Tess smiled. When the clamor had died down somewhat, I spoke again.

"I leave Seneschal Varel in charge while I am gone. I ask you to give him the same loyalty you have shown me. Thank you good people!"

The crowd began to disburse. A few people had questions or matters to discuss. I stayed, sorting those things out, until the hall was empty. I stood for a moment, breathing in the silence. I sent up a quick prayer to the Maker that this would work out.

I made my way back to my office. Nathaniel was there, looking over lists. He nodded at me as I entered. Our tentative truce was holding. I was still trying to sort out how I felt about him. I didn't trust myself to tell the difference between loving and being in love.

He pulled up a chair as I sat at my desk. "Eth, are you sure about this?" He pointed to a list of instructions.

I looked at the paper. "As sure as I can be. Ignacio was very specific." I nodded at Trini, who entered with a tea tray. "It seems that the other Crow masters are eager that this be dealt with. Why they can't do it themselves, I don't know."

Sipping his tea, he remarked, "And you got your armor from Edan? He's an excellent tailor, but why not get armor from Wade?"

"I have something in mind. It's best that I keep it to myself, though. Don't give me that look. I know what I'm doing." I picked up my tea cup and added, "How would you feel about taking Anders with us?"

"He's still playing nursemaid?" I nodded. "Well, it's probably a good idea. But tell him I accepted grudgingly." He nodded toward a locked box on my desk. "Finished with your letters?"

"Yes. Varel has the key and will disburse the letters if I don't come back." I had spent all winter working on these letters. My final message should the worst happen. The letter to Alistair was the hardest to write, but Maker willing, he wouldn't receive it. My eyes felt hot and I took a deep breath to push back any tears.

"Good to know you're optimistic then." He shook his head.

"I don't know what to expect, Nathaniel." I shrugged and put the box away. "At any rate, best to be prepared."

"And you think they still have your assassin friend?"

"As far as I know. If Zevran isn't there, I might find a clue as to where he actually is." I wouldn't entertain the thought that he might be dead. In a way, he had saved me from myself. He was nothing if not cheerful, regardless of circumstances.

I retired early that night, hoping to be fully rested when we left. Part of me worried that I'd lie awake, going over plans and potential problems. Instead, I fell asleep immediately, dreaming of things lost and things found.


	25. Of Ships and Slatterns

The voyage lasted almost two months. I discovered something: I hated sailing. While Anders and Nathaniel enjoyed the scenery, I hung over the railing, vomiting. I hated the seagulls, I hated the rocking of the boat, and most of all, I hated them. They laughed as I would turn green and run for a bucket or the side of the ship.

Despite the nightmare of sailing, we made it to Antiva in one piece. Two months of vomiting had left me shaky and weak. I could have kissed the wooden boards of the dock if I thought I could stand back up unassisted. As I got my bearings, Nathaniel found a dock worker to direct us to the lodgings recommended by Ignacio.

The lodgings turned out to be a whore house.

Antiva seemed to have an uncommon amount of brothels. There was nearly one on every corner. Brothels and horses. I'd never seen a horse in person. They were huge. They also smelled much worse than a mabari. I wondered how anyone could know what a horse smelled like and still say that Ferelden stank.

The name on the sign over the door said "Pintores Cueva". It made Nathaniel laugh but he refused to tell me what it meant. I decided that I probably didn't want to know, and entered.

The madam's name was Lissa. She was a bronzed skin beauty with thick, curly, blonde hair. She led us to our room, only one room for the three of us, which I'm pretty sure was a re-purposed closet. I was too tired to argue or complain. I threw myself on a cot and fell asleep.

When I awoke, Anders was gone. Nathaniel was sitting by the window, using the fading light to check over his weapons.

I sat up and stretched. "Where's Anders?"

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "I suggest you set up an account for him. He's... entertaining."

"Oh. I don't want to know." I stretched again. "I'm hungry. I guess I'll go search out some food."

"Lissa sent up some bread, cheese, and a wine skin." I held out my hands and he passed the food to me. Now that I was on solid ground and rested, I was starving.

"Thank you," I said between bites. "So. Here we are." He looked at me, his face unreadable. "I guess I'll ask around for our contact? It seems like at least a few people speak the common language."

"Lissa said that you have a letter waiting." He went back to his weapons.

I crawled to the end of the cot and touched his arm. "Nathaniel." I looked into his eyes. "Thank you."

"For what?" He set his weapons aside and took my hands in his.

"For lots of things. For coming here. For putting up with me. Thank you." His hands squeezed mine and I felt my heart constrict.

"No need for thanks, Eth." He leaned forward and kissed me gently on the lips. He pulled back slightly, searching my eyes. When he was satisfied I didn't mind, he kissed me again. It was slow and sweet.

Until Anders burst through the door, that is. He took one look at us and smirked.

"I've still got it!" He held out his hands and electricity jumped between his fingers. "Do you know that some of the girls downstairs have offered to cancel their appointments in favor of me?"

"Anders, I swear. You are like a teenage boy. How much has this little adventure cost me?" His hair was undone, resting on his shoulders in a honey colored tangle. I looked at his robes, trying to figure out if they were just disheveled or actually inside out.

"Nothing, my dear Commander! Turns out, if you do it well enough, they don't charge." He looked so smug, so self satisfied, that all I could do was laugh.

"Fine, fine. Just behave. And don't forget I'm still mad at you." I folded my arms and tried to glare at him.

"Commander, I tried to tell you. Healing magic can't help with sea sickness. Wounds and broken bones, yes, but things like colds, the flu, that sort of thing, it just can't touch." He patted my head. "But now that I know, there are herbs and teas that will help."

"Thank you, Anders. I think I'll go see the madam and figure out what our next move is." I hauled myself out of the cot and left the room.

I found Lissa in her office. It was small and cluttered with ledgers and folios. She finished writing and gestured for me to sit.

"Ah, the famous Commander of the Grey. It seems that Thedas owes you a debt for stopping the Blight." She steepled her fingers and regarded me.

"That's not why I'm here. If you'll excuse me, but I just want to find my friend and go home."

"All business I see," she said regretfully, licking her lips and eying me. "Master Ignacio has written me of your recent troubles. I believe we can benefit each other in this matter." Her accent was so thick, I had a hard time making out her words. She handed me a thick letter.

I read it. It was from three Crow guild-masters. I looked up at Lissa. "I don't understand. According to this letter, this Pietro Zistri person is the one who's been trying to kill me? And he's broken Crow guild laws?"

"Yes," Lissa agreed, nodding her head.

"So why not deal with him in house, as it were. Why do I need to be the one to kill him?" I rubbed my neck.

She shrugged. "It is as you said. Crow guild laws. No Crow master may interfere without being hired to do so. They cannot hire each other to deal with other masters. The guild laws, they are very complicated."

"If they are so complicated, then why isn't there a law or a rule or whatever to deal with someone who breaks said laws?" This was annoying and stupid. Duncan was right. Antiva is a horrible place.

She spread her hands. "What would you have me say? It's part of the culture, here in Antiva. The Crows are woven into the fabric of our nation." She shrugged again. "You could always leave."

"Maker no. Whatever is going on here, I don't care. I just want my people to be left alone." Clutching the letter, I stood. "Because if this doesn't end here, there will be problems that no guild law covers."

When I got back to our closet, I slammed the door. Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "You have news I take it?"

"I hate bloody Antiva, I hate the bloody Crows, and I hate this bloody room!" I tossed him the letter. After he read it, he looked at me, confused. "I know, Nathaniel. This is ridiculous, isn't it."

"You can say that again," he muttered. He nudged Anders' cot with his boot. "Wake up, mage. We're going Crow hunting."

* * *

Thanks to the wonderful Val for the beta!


	26. As the Crow Flies

"Anders," Nathaniel said under his breath. "Will you please shut up." Nathaniel peered around a corner. Indicating it was safe, he made the turn and we followed him.

"But Nathaniel. Just look at her." He gestured at me.

"I am aware, mage, that she looks absurd. But you need to shut your mouth."

"Don't call me mage. I have a name you know."

I sighed and pushed Anders' shoulder against a wall. "Look, I understand that you think I look silly. However, we are sneaking through the city and you need to be quiet. Otherwise we'll have to come up with something else to call you. Like Anders the Tongueless. Or Anders the Bald."

He squeaked in alarm and nodded his head. I ran my hand over my hair, sighing. We had left the brothel in search of this Pietro Zistri's home. Being out in the open made me nervous. However, Anders was right. I did look ridiculous.

I had one of the girls help me braid my hair and twist it into a bun. Edan had made me an outfit that was reminiscent of what most of Ferelden's noble women wore, except that it had pants instead of a skirt. Yes, it was ugly, but I wanted to look harmless and stay mobile.

Initially, I had some vague plan that included Nathaniel turning me over to Zistri. Now that we were here, I wasn't sure about my original ideas. Just being in Antiva made my palms itch and the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

Antiva City was a maze of blind alleys and dead end streets. Nathaniel had looked at a map and was guiding us. Even with his skills, it took us over two hours to find our destination.

Nathaniel looked at me in the torchlight. "Are you sure about your plan?"

I nodded. "Too late now to do more preparing or research. Let's go."

Nathaniel pushed the gate open. He grabbed my arm and dragged me through. I scrambled to keep my feet under me as he strode to the door. Anders trailed behind us.

Pounding on the door, Nathaniel shouted, "Pietro Zistri! We have business, you and I."

The door swung open to reveal a well appointed interior. A servant, who had actually opened the door, led us in. We followed him into a study. The room was brightly lit; overly so, there were a multitude of candles, lanterns, and a roaring fire.

Anders sat in a chair. Nathaniel stood, keeping his grip on my arm. After a few minutes a man entered. I could tell he was important, at least in his own mind. He dripped with velvet, furs, and gems. His beard was absurdly pointy, and he stroked the end as he surveyed us.

"What is this?" His voice was heavily accented. "I am trying to have supper when I am interrupted by a dog lord. So. What business do dog lords have with Pietro Zistri?"

"Rumor has it that you wish the death of a certain Grey Warden," Nathaniel said, pushing me forward. "She killed my father, took over my family home, and forced me to become a Grey Warden." He gave my arm a jerk and I went down on my knees.

Zistri's hooded eyes glittered. "So. One woman to create such havoc. What is your price for such a prize?"

"Peace of mind. She is beautiful, yes, but dangerous and fickle." Nathaniel released my arm and sat. I shot him a look of confusion that had nothing to do with the plan.

"Ah, I see." Zistri strode toward me, and I couldn't help but recoil. He tipped my chin up, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

What I saw terrified me. His eyes were blank. Even Howe's eyes held hatred. Zistri's eyes were entirely devoid of emotion. I was looking into the eyes of a madman.

I slid my eyes up and down his body. I wasn't armed in the usual sense, and I was looking for any weapons he had on him. Nothing. I glanced around the room. No armaments decorating the walls. No guards, either, from which to obtain equipment.

I began to fear.

Zistri finished his inspection of my face. He stepped back and clasped his hands behind his back. "One little woman. Do you know why, little warden, I have invested so much time, money, and lives on you?"

I shook my head, not daring to speak.

"From when I was a boy, I have dreamed of being a great Crow Master. One day, I found an elven boy. He was for sale, you see, from the brothel. He had a great fire in his eyes, and never flinched when I beat him."

Zistri had begun to pace. I wondered if he meant Zevran. Poor Zev. The entire Crow system was abhorrent.

"So. This elven boy. I raised him up to be the greatest. He wasn't the best, but he was successful. He took a commission in Ferelden and failed. Now, failing from time to time is not unexpected. What I did not expect was for him to betray the Crows."

I got the feeling that Zev's betrayal of the Crows ran deeper than I knew. This man, this lunatic, placed much more than loyalty on Zev. I wondered how fast I could get to my feet.

"You ruined him, my greatest creation. You brought shame to my Crows." He looked down at me. "And now, I will kill you."

"Where is Zevran?"

He waved a hand dismissively. "He is in my dungeon, where he will stay until he comes to his senses."

That was something. Zevran was alive, and now it was time to finish this. I brought my hands to my belt buckle. I sent up a quick prayer to the Maker that Wade's design was good.

Zistri continued on his tirade, enumerating on the various ways he would kill me. I slipped the t shaped buckle in between my right index finger and middle finger. I realized that he was lost in his delusion that I had somehow ruined the Crows. He wasn't paying attention to me as I eased into crouch. I flicked my eyes to Nathaniel, who nodded almost imperceptibly.

Zistri turned his back, arms flailing. I launched myself up. In the blink of an eye, I yanked out the blade from my belt buckle. Before he turned around, I was on him, opening up a small cut on his neck. The blade was shorter than my little finger, but it cut deep enough to open an artery.

He grabbed his neck as he gurgled and died. Anders and Nathaniel sprang up. We stood back to back, surveying the room. I strained my ears, listening for guards. The entire house was silent.

The side door opened. The three of us turned, prepared to fight. Instead, four men and one woman entered the room. They looked at Zistri's body and nodded to each other. They huddled together, murmuring. They came to some consensus and turned to us.

One of the men stepped forward. He glanced at the body again. "We thank you for dealing with this... distraction."

I shook my head. "What? He was just a distraction to you? Who are you people?"

"We are the other guild masters. You now have the full assurances of those present that no Crow will ever take a contract out on you again."

I felt Anders and Nathaniel shift at my back. "Oh, no more contracts out on me then. No." I clenched my fists. "That's not good enough. If I so much as hear a crow fly overhead, I will return. I promise you, if I do, I won't leave a member of your little assassin club alive. I will burn Antiva City to the ground." My voice rose as my pulse pounded in my ears. "I will hunt you all down if one of your Crows so much as sets a foot in Ferelden."

The spokesman looked at the other leaders. They all nodded. "As you wish. No more Ferelden contracts."

As a unit, they turned and left. We searched the house, finding the dungeon. Anders lit the torches as Nathaniel and I looked in each cell. It was damp and rank.

When we found Zevran's cell, Nathaniel picked the lock. I peered in as the door swung open. It wasn't so bad, considering it was a dungeon cell. I had certainly seen worse in Rendon's Howe's basement. There was a central pillar with iron rings dangling around it. One ring had chains through it. The chains met at the manacles on Zevran's wrists and ankles.

He was curled up into a ball and only wearing smalls. I knew it was him because of the tattoos. Otherwise, he was so filthy, I didn't recognize him. I knelt at his side and touched his shoulder. I nodded to Anders, who also knelt. His hands glowed blue as he check Zevran for injuries.

Zevran rolled onto his back, knees up. He held out his arms for Nathaniel to begin unlocking the manacles.

Zevran licked his cracked lips. "Ah, Querida. You have come for me at last."

"Zev, what in the Maker's name is going on?" I sat back on my heels and appraised him. I heard the click of the manacles unlocking and the clank of them hitting the floor.

Anders brushed off his hands. "He's underweight, but he looks good." Zevran smirked at him. "I mean he's healthy, more or less. I'll wait in the hall."

I watched Anders stride off, shadows bouncing off of the walls. Nathaniel moved to the manacles at Zev's ankles. His hands moved deftly and I turned back to Zev.

"Is Zistri...," Zevran asked?

"Very much dead. What is going on? I rushed here, expecting a major battle, and all I find is a lone crazy man."

"My dear Warden. Welcome to Antiva and it's politics." He sat up and rubbed his wrists. "I approve of your new companions." He eyed Nathaniel, who folded his arms and stared back. "You always did travel with the pretty ones."

"Shut up, Zevran." I stood and held my hand out to him. He wobbled a bit, but managed to stand. "So do we need to sneak you out of here or what?"

"I think I am free to go." He looked down at his filthy body, the tattoos that swirled down his body nearly hidden by dirt. "I would like a bath at some point."

"Of course. I have a room at Cuevas Pintores."

Zev threw his head back and laughed. "Ah, of course you do. Lissa is still the madame, yes? Good good. We shall go there."


	27. Talk

We left Antiva a day later. A few of the prostitutes actually cried when they realized I was taking Anders with me. Zevran smirked in approval.

As for Zevran, I'm pretty sure he was never more at home than in that whore house. He had several offers for help with bathing. More help than he had skin, actually. Whatever option he chose, he emerged clad in a loose linen tunic and soft leather trousers. He was paler than I remembered, and his hair was longer, but his grin was the same.

On our way to the docks, we made a stop at a market. Anders picked up ginger-root and other herbs, which he claimed would help with my seasickness. Nathaniel bought a beautiful satchel made of hand tooled leather dyed green. He thought it would be a good gift for Delilah. I bought a leather cloak lined with fur. I'm not sure what frivolities Anders and Zevran bought, but it cost me fifteen sovereigns.

We stored our gear on the ship and Anders set about making ginger tea. I braced myself for the onset of the seasickness as we set sail.

I was surprised when the tea helped. I still felt queasy, but as long as I sat on the deck in the fresh air, at the back of the ship, I was all right. Thank the Maker, because otherwise it would have been a long two months.

After a few days at sea I realized that Nathaniel was avoiding me. I wasn't well enough to wander the ship looking for him. All I could do was wait and drink my tea.

I didn't have to wait long. Three days later he found me, sitting against the railing. He leaned on the edge, crossing his feet next to me. He didn't say anything. He didn't even look at me.

I drained my tea. "Did you mean that? What you said to Zistri?"

"I don't know. Maybe. You certainly are beautiful and deadly."

I looked up at him. "And fickle?"

"Sometimes." He sighed and sat down next to me. "You are a very difficult woman to be in love with."

"Oh. I'm sorry Nathaniel." I set my cup aside. Maker, we really did need to learn how to talk to each other. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." He paused. "Yes. Tell me about Zevran."

"What do you want to know?" He didn't say anything, just looked at me. "You know he was an assassin who took out a contract on me. When he failed, he joined me. After the Blight ended, before I came to the Keep, we were together. Sort of. It was more for convenience, I think. He's a friend of mine."

"A friend? Would you go to these same lengths for me?"

"Of course, and more. I'd tear the world apart." I put my hand on his leg. "I'm sorry. When I have something I want to accomplish, I get tunnel vision."

"Huh. That you do." He put his hand on mine and squeezed. "The people of Ferelden are grateful for you, I know that for sure."

"I love you, Nathaniel." I leaned my head against his shoulder. "So much."

"You are going to be the death of me." He put his arm around me.

I slid my hand up the inside of his thigh. "Can I at least make sure you die happy?" I leaned up and kissed him.

Anders plopped down in front of us. I broke off the kiss and glared at him. He grinned, unrepentant.

"It's good to see Mom and Dad getting along. Right, Zev?" Zevran appeared out of nowhere and sat next to Anders.

I raised an eyebrow at the pair. "You two do realize I could toss you over the railing and into the ocean before you could react?"

"I don't know about you, Zev, but she's not all that fearsome," Anders said.

"Ha, do not believe the pretty face. I was there when she killed the Archdemon. She is a terrible rogue, yes, can't pick a lock, isn't stealthy. But she wields those short-swords with deadly grace and she's faster than she looks."

Zevran stripped his tunic off and balled it up. He lay back on the deck, his shirt tucked under his head. He clasped his hands and brought them up behind his neck. He settled in like a cat in the sun.

As the men bickered and bantered I leaned back against Nathaniel. I let the warm breeze wash over me, grateful that my stomach was calm. With the Crow situation over I felt peaceful. In fact, I felt sleepy.

I cracked an eye open and looked at Zevran. He was still laying there, going on about cheekbones and pouty lips. "Zev. What are your plans? Do you want to stay with us at the Keep?"

"For a time, perhaps. You have secured my future. I am sure I can think of a way to repay you."

Nathaniel shifted. "I'm sure you can think of a few ways, Ser Assassin."

Zevran chuckled. "I am a man of many talents."

They went on in this same vein, with Anders chiming in. The sun was warm, the breeze sweet, and Nathaniel's shoulder comfortable. I stretched my legs out and dozed.

It only seemed like a few moment later when my mother woke me. She was silent, despite my pleadings for a few more minutes. I was late for something, the Chant or lessons. She smiled as she led me out of the castle and up a hill. The landscape was craggy, dotted with bracken and heather. After rounding a boulder, we reached the summit.

My mother spread her hands. She seemed younger than I remembered, face unlined and hair a dark chestnut brown. She repeated the gesture so I looked out to the valley.

Though the climb hadn't seemed long, the hill was taller than I reckoned. I could see the whole of Ferelden. Snug farms, tidy villages, even the vastness that was Denerim. I could see them all. All of the homes and shops, all of the people. I could see the interconnectedness of it all.

I looked back to my mother and she smiled at me. She slid my hands into her's and squeezed my fingers tightly. She nodded at me as she began to fade into nothingness.

I screamed for her but my throat was blocked. I reached out, bending my mind towards her. I rolled over and my hand hit the railing of the ship, waking me.

It was dark. The stars shone overhead. My mouth was dry and my head thick. My body was stiff from sleeping on the deck, and I found that I was laying on some burlap sacks. I tried to sit up, but my limbs wouldn't cooperate.

I tried to push myself up again when I heard voices. From my sideways view I saw Nathaniel's boots striding towards me, pulling Anders by the scruff of his robes. He gave Anders a shake before releasing him and kneeling next to me.

"Maker, Eth. Are you ok?"

My mouth was so dry that the only sound that came out was "Nuhggh."

"The mage here thought you needed sleep so he added chamomile and valerian to the tea." Nathaniel helped me to sit up and handed me a water skin. "Anders is such a mother hen that he never thought to tell you he drugged you."

The water was very cool but it was wet and helped immensely. "Anders, you are an idiot. And why am I on the deck?" I drank more water, the thick feeling in my head retreating.

Anders clasped his hands behind him. "I'm so sorry. I just wasn't thinking."

Nathaniel added, "You are on the deck because we didn't think we could get you down the ladder into the hold. You didn't even stir when we rolled you over to put the sacks underneath you."

Well then. Thank goodness this was a safe enough place to pass out. I looked at the stars and sighed. I really just wanted to be home.


	28. Snow

_I knelt on the ground, naked. The ends of my hair curled around my waist and hips. I looked around and saw nothing; my hair tickling my skin where it touched. The sky was a flat greyish brown color and seemed endless. The ground was neither soft nor hard; it was just there. _

_There was no sound, no warning but the itch in my blood. I sprang to my feet as a wave of darkspawn crashed around me, on me, through me. I had no weapons, no armor: nothing to fight them with but my fists. I kicked and punched and bit until they pulled me down, tearing me to pieces._

I awoke with a start. I was in my bedroom, safe and warm. No darkspawn here, just Nathaniel sleeping beside me. The taint in my blood was quiet, but that didn't stop my heart from pounding in fear.

Suddenly I felt hemmed in. The need to escape was overwhelming. I grabbed my good cloak, fur-lined leather with a hood. Yanking on my boots, I fled my rooms for the high walls of the Keep.

There is a silence about snow that is deeper and more profound than the mere absence of sound. It was a clear night and the Keep exterior was deserted. I leaned against the parapet and stared into the expanse of the night sky. The air was bitter cold and it seared into my lungs and brain.

I found myself walking the parapet more often in the last few weeks. I'd been at the Keep for twenty-six years now. On nights that sleep eluded me, I'd throw a cloak over my nightgown and walk. Sometimes I'd even talk to the stars.

The deep purple of the sky never made me feel small. Far from it. I'd named the stars after people or events in my life. Those two stars, just above the horizon, huddling together? That was Oriana and Oren. The bright star that shone early in the evening but went out long before morning? That was King Cailan. The stars all had meaning and connections for me.

I shifted, the only sound came from the snow crunching under my boots. I pulled my cloak tighter, burying my nose into the fur lining. _Maker, I am so tired. Please, let me sleep peacefully tonight_.

The nightmares of darkspawn had returned.

It wasn't every night, maybe one night in twenty. A few months ago it had been one night in thirty. I had always held onto the thirty year time frame, but I suppose it's different for those that join during a Blight. At least, that's what I had heard from Weisshaupt.

Since I was the so-called Hero of Ferelden, I had near autonomy over my Wardens. They numbered near two dozen now, with at least that many still in training. There was no manual or book of instructions, so I did things my way.

Alistair would laugh. I'd always done things my way.

I'd made it official that the seneschal of the Keep would administer the Joining. Seneschal Varel had overseen most of those two dozen joinings until old age had claimed him. Now, his chosen successor, Bevin, was the new seneschal.

All warden recruits were told of the infertility and the shortened life span. It was only fair. The Wardens make a big deal of "Warden secrets" but in my travels I'd found that most people knew. Some nodded at the information and continued with the training. Some left.

Ferelden had done well under King Alistair. He was a fair ruler, kind and strong. His son, Duncan, was twenty now, and the spitting image of his father. His daughter also looked just like him. At age fifteen, Calla was already turning heads. Queen Amandina had died in childbirth some thirteen years ago; the child hadn't survived either.

Alistair and I had made our peace. It was nice to have him in my life again. He'd asked Zevran to accompany him years ago. There was a period where Orlais was making noises about their "lost territory", but it came to nothing. Zevran's help had stopped a few assassination attempts against Alistair. The last I heard, he'd reconnected with Isabela. I'm sure that Zevran made a dashing pirate.

I looked up at the stars that were my parents. I didn't know how long I had, but I felt them watching over me, waiting at the Maker's side for my return. It would be good to lay down my burdens and be in their loving company again.

Of course, I wasn't ready to go into that long night just yet. Once, I was so desperately busy. Juggling so many plates, trying to do it all. Being with Nathaniel had taught me to just let some things go. He was my joy, my stoic archer.

Life has it's own pace, he'd once said. You can neither hurry it up or slow it down.

I decided to go back inside when the wind picked up. It was just as silent inside as it was outside. I made my way to my bedroom, passing a few guards.

I tried to be quiet as I hung up my cloak and removed my boots. I didn't want to wake Nathaniel. It didn't matter. He propped himself up on his elbow as I stirred the fire.

When the fire roared back to life, I stood and headed toward the bed. He held his arms open for me. I slid under the blankets and furs and into his arms. I buried my face into his neck and he held me tight.

"Maker, Eth," he mumbled into my hair. "How long were you out there? Your nose is like ice."

"Long enough. It's a beautiful night." I nestled closer.

"Cold you mean." He kissed my head. "Are you ok?"

"Mhm. Dreams again." He rolled onto his side, put an arm around my waist, and pulled me against him. "They are coming more frequently."

"Is there anything I can do? Eth?"

I had begun to doze, wrapped in his warmth. "Hm? Oh, nothing." I could feel him hardening against my hip.

His voice was low and gravely in my ear. "Nothing?" He began to grind against my hip. "Are you sure?" He pulled my nightgown over my head.

He slept naked, so there wasn't clothing to hinder me. I wrapped my hand around his length. I stroked him with feather touches. He rocked into my hand and peppered my neck with kisses. I could feel the vibration of his moans through my skin.

He slid a hand down between my legs. He dipped his fingers into my wetness. He slid his hand up, hitting that magic bud that removed all thoughts from my head. Over and over again, he fingered me to the brink, only to withdraw.

It was only when I began to beg that he pulled me on top of him. He slid into my body until out hips met. I rolled my hips until I reached climax. He flipped me over, sheathed himself to the hilt, and rocked his hips. I locked my heels behind his back as he moved faster and harder. He arched his back, shuddering with his orgasm.

We curled up together, limbs heavy with pleasure. He brushed my hair back from my sweaty face.

"Better, love?" I nodded as he combed his fingers through my hair, knowing it relaxed me. He took a deep breath. "So do you think this is the beginning of your Calling?"

I thought about it before I answered. Why I had to think, I don't know. I hadn't had darkspawn nightmares in almost thirty years. There was no doubt. "Yes. I'm sure of it."

"You know what needs to be done then."

"I know, Nathaniel."

He kissed my forehead. "You need to write to Alistair."

* * *

A/N: As always, thanks to my beta, Valsedai!


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